Join Me in Snarkville

Yup, it seems that Prince has left for a week for some random conference thingie this morning. I took Duke to school this morning and came home to an empty house. While I normally work all day from an empty house, this time it seemed really weird. I mean I totally left in the middle of chaos with my whole family here. Duke and I sang all the way to school and then he melted down and didn’t want me to leave once we got there. Then I came home to an empty house. Poop.

Ok, so moving on to the whole point. I went to my weekly knitting group last night. Oh, my — how wonderful. I go to two different knit nights, so that I end up going weekly. But I was thinking of giving up one of them, because frankly one of the women annoyed me. So, I took the whole month of March off — truly, I had an insanely busy month and couldn’t have made it if I tried. Well, since Prince wasn’t going to be home on Thursday (my preferred knitting group), I went to the second string of knitting groups last night. Can I just say that I had a blast! The annoying woman was there, she just wasn’t as annoying. But the best part was that I finished my socks. But that’s not all. I had started a fair-isle handbag (my first shot at Fairisle and frankly, it didn’t go well at first). I failed to read instructions well (which should be surprising since I’m not a man and all — but alas) and ended up with a mess by the 6th row. So, last night, I ripped out the whole 6 rows (times 150ish stitches) and started over. Shockingly, once focusing on the actual directions and not just glancing at them, I am actually back to where I ripped and still in pattern. So, perhaps my next project will be finishing this handbag, before I work on the 12 or so pairs of socks I need to do — and let’s not discuss the 2 sweaters I have to knit. Oh, and I’ve yet to knit anything for anyone other than myself — which is all going to change, I have some yarn that is destined to become socks for a blogfriend of mine. She may get the first of my gift items. However, I have old neighbors who are adopting two of the most sweet and adorable children and I think they might get my first scarves and hats — though socks may go to them too.

Yes, I’m currently on “ignore” (hold to most people; here in Snarkville, we call it like it is — IGNORE) with one of those customer “service” types. My phone actually has a timer, and I’ve officially been on the phone for 53 minutes as I type this. I’ve finished my cup of coffee (the pot to refill it is upstairs and I’m stranded without a cordless down here in the dungeon, I mean office). In addition, I FINISHED a cup of coffee which means I’m going to have to go potty here in a few minutes – wait, probably should have thought that. The music on hold SUCKS – frankly, who do you think sits and approves hold music? Do you think there is someone who listens to the selection from HoldMusic R Us and says, “Yes, I love the instrumental version of True Colors played at half speed. Let’s get that.” And if there is such a job, where do I apply because that sounds like an under-achievers dream — do you think you could get fired from this job? What do the reviews look like? “Gee, Bob, we’ve noticed a sharp increase in people willing to sit on the phone for 56+ minutes waiting to talk to us. We feel it must be the hold music (can’t possibly be that we hired only ONE human who can actually answer questions and that person is too busy trying to teach rocks to answer the phone to do any real work). You get a bonus.” In a past life (and oh, the jobs I have had), I used to work in one of these “think tanks” – I mean call centers. Oh, what a lesson in why NOT to live in a trailer park. I worked with some really neat people; if by neat you think that having your top priority being having your 5th or 6th baby while bailing some man out of jail. I am told this was a NICE call center. I still think it is no wonder that they promoted me to a supervisor within weeks of showing up and I was only part time. It isn’t that I’m all that (I am, but that is beside the point); it was that I was a warm body who showed up on a near consistent basis — and some people think it is advanced degrees and hard work that gets you ahead in life. I’m thinking the true secret is just to surround yourself with people lazier than yourself and shockingly you will rise to the top. You can tell I should SO influence this nation’s youth, don’t you?

I am now up to 1 hour and 15 minutes of total call time. I will grant that the rep has picked up answered (knock me over with a feather) ONE of my questions. So, now we must wait again. This is the third time I’ve heard True Colors and their little advertisement while waiting. I really need more coffee – and my bladder is not feeling any lighter. You wanted to know this right? You needed me to share?

Did I mention that I knit? (Did you get whiplash from that subject change?) Well, as you can guess my knitting is upstairs with my hot pot of coffee. Damn Knitting. Anyway, I’m working on my second sock of a lovely pair of “Socks that Rock” (For the uninformed, it is a brand of hand dyed sock yarn). I have only about a dozens socks in my stash to knit and two sweaters and that’s before I even get to the next strata of my stash. I haven’t been knitting a year and I’ve got layers in my stash. I’ve learned that knitting keeps my hands busy which not only focuses my attention on conversations and stuff around me, keeps me very calm when faced with stress. However, with my knitting a whole floor away; mocking me, telling me that it is enjoying the smell of my hot coffee (before the coffee maker turns itself off) that I can’t have and be close to the potty I so need; I’m feeling a wee bit stressful now. We are now up to a whole hour and 24 minutes. I may need to go to the post office to relax after this fun phone call.

I know all of this makes my life sound so thrilling, what with the need for a coffee and pee break along with sitting on ignore, without my knitting. Don’t hate me.

Recently, I had myself described as “Snarky” I happen to love this word, I used the required three times and now I own it. Come to find out, snarkiness is a polite way of saying “bitchy”. Hmmm, compliment or not? I tend to think of snarkiness as not so much bitchy as more a cynical view of the world around us. A view that will look at most situations as half empty glasses and wonder where the beer went. I want to believe that snarky is my own personal brand of humor, but I wonder if the people around me get my form of sarcasm is mixed with mild bitch. I fear that far too many miss the true sarcasm in my commentary and hence declare that I’m a total bitch. I’m truly only part bitch and any decent psychotherapist would see that the bitch part is really the candy coating protecting my gooey nugget center.

So, truly I welcome you to Snarkville. I consider myself the Queen of Snarkville and I know that out there are many princes and princesses, but I am the Queen. There’s a little more about me and my kingdom in that little “About Me” thingie. Read and enjoy.