Join Me in Snarkville

Yup, all in one day. Hold on to your little bits for today’s has been a rollercoaster of emotions.

Let’s begin with the first fun of my day, I had my entire back sliced off. Well, ok, a 3/4 inch spot, but it sort of feels like my whole back. I have three stitches (which I might point out is triple the ONE stitch I was promised). I will not know the results of my little brush with the knife until probably at least a week from now. For the record, now I’m beginning to feel the beginnings of worry. I have no idea if it is that it took a week to settle in for me OR the sheer fact that I had an actual flashback to my epidural during childbirth that knocked some sense into me. In other doctor related news, I have high cholesterol and a script for seasickness patches. In response to the commenter who is amused that I get ill; it is only ever the first day; but yes I do — however, the cruise itself is SO much fun that I try to forget my little green moments.

I rushed home for a business meeting. I got a call from Duke’s school to tell me that my son was bitten yet again. This is becoming a horribly too often phone call and we are beginning to think that a change in school is in order — but I have to say I fear we’d just end up in the same boat with higher prices. I’m such in a mommy dilemma here, that I may have been a wee bit harsh to the teacher — While I refrained from the “Don’t you have the brains to watch children?” comment; I may have said something about “biting is always unacceptable and I’m tired of hearing excuses.” I even called the director of the school and will be enjoying multiple hours of watching Duke’s class this week to see if I can point out anything they could do to prevent my child from being chewed on. My ego is a little battered on this one, because I basically agreed to send my child to an assessment for speech skills I don’t think he needs (the assessment, not the skills). I’m PO’d that I won’t get anywhere with the school until I can prove this isn’t HIS problem — and like I said my ego is bruised.

Anyway, the meeting went well. I bought some ad space in a magazine. Prince isn’t as in love with this plan as I am, so we shall see how it goes.

I’m so red with embarrassment that I could light up the entire Pacific Coast. I forgot my father’s birthday today. I forgot it to the point my mother called to remind me. I’m feeling like a complete and total heel and I am one. We are going to see them on Friday and I’m sure I should do something that says — “I’m sorry for forgetting your birthday, but I assure you that this present was waiting to come down with us.” Ideas? I’m open to anything at this point. I’m the worst daughter to walk. Add that to my bad mommy status as I’m batting 1,000 today.

Finally, I think Duke has an ear infection. He isn’t running a fever, but he’s grumpy and something just isn’t right. I’m going to call the Ped tomorrow for an appointment — what with us flying on Friday and everything. This is just NOT a good time for me. I just got back from responding to a “MMOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMAAAAAAAA” call. He tells us that everything hurts. His ears hurt, his teeth hurt, his toes hurt. So, we gave him kisses and hugs and little medicine. I’m calling the doctor to see if we can fix the boy before leaving town.

So, I’m too bummed to continue, so if you are looking for me, I’ll have my head in the oven.

On the bright side, I got my Socks that Rock club yarn — and it is prettier than last shipment. I’ll post happy photos and perhaps good things tomorrow.

Yes, I know — I’d want the gory details too if I didn’t get to go. So, since I live to serve here’s the all the great details.

First, if you, my dear internet friends, want to know the official review I wrote for the world, please read this. Since it is long, and I’m not going to re-write it here, you may wish to read it, just to have the overview of my trip — but that is really ship based and not nearly showing off my snarkyness. So, thus I’ve had to do it in bullet form, but here’s my rough outline of what happened over the past few days.

1. Lesson learned: When trying to get a spa appointment on a ship with 1200 other people and only 1 day at sea to do it in — go EARLY and beg. We missed the second show on the second night for facials. However, I think I’m glad I got the facial.
2. Lesson learned: When 1200 travel professionals want to bitch to the VP of a cruise line, they will not EVER stop asking the same question. And yes, that question is all about money. Not all that important what happened, but let’s just say TP (travel professional) #1 mentioned something; the VP said and I quote, “We know it is a problem. We are trying to fix it. I’ve got three people whose sole job it is to fix it in the upcoming months. However, this problem didn’t start yesterday and won’t be fixed tomorrow. We are trying to work with you.” Then 14, yes I counted, 14 other TPs had to ask the same damn question — but always adding that unique twist. “When?”
3. Lesson to be taught: In a Rock and Roll review style show, kindly Google the various songs you wish to use and find out what decade they were written in and possibly what they were about before designing your costumes and props for them. There is NO Eagles song that has any need for motorcycles on stage (see point the 4th about the motorcycles too). Case in point: If you want to put the lady lead singers in full length beaded gowns, they better be singing the Supremes or R.E.S.P.E.C.T., not “I am woman” It doesn’t work. Oh, and last note on this — When you sing — try to find out before you begin what the real tempo of the songs are — because you didn’t have it. The only song you got the costumes right on was “Pinball Wizard” and the only song you got the tempo right on was “Rock and Roll all Night”
4. Lesson to be taught: If you want to do biker songs on stage and use motorcycles, USE REAL MOTORCYCLES. Do not use walkers with a Motorcycle front to them — it makes the dancers look gayer than they already are. Hell, the gay men in the audience were embarrassed for them. There is nothing cool about a walker on stage — EVER.
5. Funny moment: I watched a newbie waiter pour an entire pitcher of ice into the lap of one of my dining companions one evening. Not only was the act funny, it was even funnier when the victim, us, and the rest of the wait staff made fun of the pourer asking if he needed training wheels on his pitcher.
6. Great News: Not only was this cruise free, all the adult beverages, gratuities, and cover charges for some of the dining rooms were free. And yet, even with this, I never saw a single person falling down drunk — though many of us were pretty much stuck in that happy giddy stage.
7. Lesson Learned: I get green at the drop of a hat. Yup, seems I was a bit ill — without actually BEING sick — the first night. I kept on drinking.
8. There was gross food, I didn’t mention in my review.
1. Gross food number 1: In the Tapas place there was something called “Shrimp Shooter” It appeared to be a salt rimmed shot glass with ground shrimp in something that looks a lot like clam juice. GAG.
2. Gross food number 2: The chili we had brought to us once had a layer of grease that I’ve only seen under the paper towel of fried chicken. It had to be 1/4 inch thick — GROSS.
3. Gross food number 3: On the buffet line, they seem incapable of keeping the scrambled eggs from completely drying out. I’m not talking about just dry. I’m talking about cracking from being so dry. And yet, the bacon was under cooked and floppy.
9. To laugh at others: My friend who went with me, sweet as she can be and normally smart as a whip. So imagine my shock that she thought there would be cell service on the cruise ship. Not that this is that unusual except that her reasoning was that she thought there would be a cell tower on the ship. For the record, if you have not cruised before: there IS phone service on board the ships. It is called satellite phone and it is expensive!! I got a big laugh at my friend’s expense asking her if she thought there were cell buoys out at sea. Guess I should have warned her.
10. On the stuff front: I have to say this area was a little lite. I got a framed print from the ship that was pretty cool. However, I purchased a few things in the gift shop. There is a huge lack of Pride of Hawaii branded items. I would have bought more if it had only been available. How sad is that.

So, that’s a wrap. Even though I don’t have much branded Pride of Hawaii, I do have a little something (and don’t get your hopes up here — but it should be enough for you to know I was thinking of you all), for anyone who wants it. But there’s a challenge here. There will be a special Pride of Hawaii themed gift package to the best response to this question:

“I am most deserving of the Hawaii box because….”

You may post your response in comments or with a link to your blog. The best entry will be judged by Prince, without your names attached for the most unbiased results. GO.

(Be forewarned, if this is successful the prize may get better on my Freedom of the Seas trip — so, don’t disappoint. I’ve got three more trips currently planned — there’s huge chances for stuff this year.)

Yes, I am home now. I have all sorts of snarky comments to share, but I’m too tired to type. Here are the first few of my photos here.

I had a blast. I ate 3 dinners in three different places last night. I went to bed after midnight and was up by 7am. I am insanely tired, but I think I will live.

I’m so thrilled to be a part of this trip; and glad to be home. Details will follow. But I thought I’d share that I was home.

On the Knitting front — I started a sock that will be my first gift — and I’m going really well with it. Would show photo, but she reads it.

I’m wild with abandon over here in Snarkville. Just wild I tell you. I’d love to say that I’m completely organized and packed and bathed and ready to be off today; only I’m not. I’m so not packed, bathed, or organized. For my knitter buds, I have no idea what project(s) I’m taking with me. For my other friends, I have literally put in my bag my undies, PJs, and ONE change of clothing. This will not get me very far on a two day trip (especially since I kinda think I might want to wear that one outfit today and not tomorrow) unless I plan to sleep for two straight days. While this doesn’t upset me much — it doesn’t bode well for the two reasons I’m on this ship: Photos and free crap.
I love me the free crap. I’m a slut for promo junk — and it is only fitting that my last two jobs in the “real” corporate world were in places with more than my fair share of free crap. My last job was best described as “it is not just a job; its a t-shirt” — she types while wearing one of her over 20 tees from said job. I was there almost 4 years — that averages to 5 tees a year — we will ignore all the other crap I got from them too. Like I said, I love me the “swag.” So, here’s hoping there is TONs on this little voyage. But I also know that the gift shop will be open too — which leads me to the quote of the day. Said the Prince this morning: “Don’t forget us little people.” As if.
So to sum up, I’m heading off today — I’ll do my best to live blog from the ship — I HAVE back-up batteries to take photos for all. So what am I forgetting — other than clothing, yarn, and to shower? See — total irresponsibility. Loving it.

Now, I’m normally a mess. The girl with coffee spilled down her shirt; the one you see in some form of disarray. Yup, that’s me; the pinnacle of grace and aplomb.

However, I now have a spot I can’t get out, without help. It seems that I’m cursed with my Great Britain genes: fair skin, blue eyes, bad ankles and all — to have a few, um, moles. Well, these have always been small and not bothered me much; but there’s this one that is in the center of my back. I think it may be growing, at the very least it is changing. So, yesterday, while at my doctor’s office [(yes, the one who's staff gave me the distinct impression he was too busy to care about me) --- a side note within my side note here: He's very nice, took tons of time with me, and even laughed at my odd sense of humor and constant rambling of the mouth.] I asked the good doctor to “take and look and tell me it is nothing.” He took a look and can’t say it is nothing. So next Monday, Snarkville’s Queen will be having a biopsy of her mole done — I think this means that I will have large portions of my back sliced off, but I’m not sure. Actually, I know there will be a stitch or two, which my own mother (the Queen Mum and nurse extradinairre) will remove since we will be visiting her when it needs to come out.

So, why I tell you all of this is that I’m not in the least bit worried about it. Now, it seems that everyone I tell thinks I should be freaking out, but for the first time in my life, I’m not the least bit concerned. Maybe it is because I’m convinced that if it is something to worry about I’d somehow just know and since I don’t there is no need to worry. Maybe I’m finally an adult and gained perspective — and we all know that’s a crock, right? Maybe it is that I’m in denial. However, I’m really not worried.

What is troublesome is my e-mails from my father who starts off, “I know you are worried….” No, Daddy, I’m not. I have three trillion things on my plate between now and Monday to deal with — worry is not on my to do list. I don’t have time to worry. So there. I’m not worried.
———Begin PSA————–
For all of you out there, I’d like to mention — get your moles checked. Anything that looks funny or might have changed as you have aged: have some one check it out. Chances are it is nothing to worry with. If this turns is something to worry over, aren’t we all going to be happier that we deal with it today when it is “small” and not when I’m looking for someone to knit me a Chemo Cap?
———End PSA————-
On to other news in Snarkville, I’m going to be leaving this country tomorrow. I am leaving to sail into international waters for two glorious days!! I shall eat food I neither will cook nor have to clean up after. I shall not change a single diaper for 48 whole hours. I shall drink an adult beverage. I will NOT be the mom nor take on any mommy duties. I shall take photos and knit with abandon. I will enjoy this, and no little spot on the center of my back will stop me.

Yes, I’ve heard of the dreaded SSS (Second Sock/Sleeve Syndrome, for my non-knitter friends). I heard of it, but I’m not sure I believed it. Afterall, in my desperate attempts to avoid it, I simply put the first completed sock on my one foot (thus leaving second foot chilled) and cast on the next sock. However, I had not up until yesterday met a sock that entirely refused to grow anymore. I don’t think my first sock took me as long to complete as this my 7th. But here it is, the ONE sock:
I think it is the cables every 8 rows. But boy am I glad to be done with sock number 1. But eventhough I finished this sock before Survivor last night, I have yet to cast on the second sock. I’m not sure if I need to take a break from this sock for a bit, or what. But right now I have no desire to cast on the next sock. So I think that means I have SSS.

In other SSS news, I finished sleeve number one on the ArtFibers Gyspy Sweater. I went with the large orange stripe at the bottom of the sleeve and decided to not make the sleeves overly long (like to my wrist — it is more a 7/8 sleeve for pushing up with less bulk.) However, I’m again in no mood to cast on the second sleeve. Thus I have SSS. But tell me you like the sweater:

By this point, the Prince is freaking out. He believes that I will get to the point where I will stop finishing anything and that is not the case here. In fact, I’ve decided that while I have no desire to cast on the second sock or sleeve, I will and I will finish the other item in my bag before moving on to something new. Let’s just step back and give the Prince some air — he may be a little freaked out at the thought of an unfinished craft project in this house. Look something shiny.

In other Snarkville news, Polly came to visit on Friday and we went to ArtFibers and lunch. What fun. I didn’t get lost getting out of the city this time and Polly only got slightly lost getting in. We laughed, we were snarky, and she only slightly thinks I’m a freak — so all is good. The purple (yes, please note the plan is to dye this — because I’m not a lover of the color — but of the price? Of the price I’m its dirty little mistress) is lace weight silk and merino from ArtFibers. Yes, it is yummy — and yes there is something like 3K yards. Yup, I’m in love. The black stuff is Natruwolle that is destined to be a bag — also, yummy.

Well, finally, this week is my cruise to nowhere for two days. I can’t wait to go and I need to pack and get a few last minute things done before I say Bon Voyage. If I’m a good little blogger, I may just post from the ship — if not, I promise photos (if I remember batteries this time) when I return. Plus there will be knitting time — then the week after there will be knitting time on the plane too!!! I love plane knitting, don’t know why, it just makes me very happy.

If there was a theme to my past few days it would be “running late.” I feel like I’ve rushed to everything since Tuesday. While I’m not the gotta be there horribly early kinda of girl, I can be the totally on time girl. However, I’ve been averaging 10 minutes behind my normal schedule all week and I’m sick of it — sick, I tell you. So in my effort to stop that I figured I’d check my e-mail, wirte my post and run to the city. Then my browser locked up — and I’m still 10 minutes late! Urgh.

So, since I’m running behind, here’s a few tidbits from Snarkville:

1. I won’t be wearing shoes for a bit — seems the blister that took over the back of my foot is huge AND painful. It hasn’t burst yet — so I don’t see healing anytime on the horizon. In other news, be happy I’ve spared you a photo of the world’s largest blister.
2. I’m headed into the city to meet my SP Hostess. How cool is this — even if she does want to start the pool on how long it will take the Prince to lay the scooter down ;).
3. My cable sock is taking FOREVER. It has stopped growing completely. I need one more cable repeat and I think I’m going to make the toe and call it DONE. But then there’s sock #2. URGH. Who’s nutso idea was it for a cable sock?
4. My friend Niki’s husband is finding out something about his job today — could be good or could be bad — literally we are talking 50/50. So go over to KnitNik and leave a comment of support for her — I think she may be a wee bit stressed out over there.
5. I’m in need of coffee — I decided to treat myself to Peet’s today, so I need to leave a little earlier to get to Peets and then sit in traffic. No, I’m not taking the Vespa — again, I’m going to the city — and until I get my license no freeway driving — which is fine, more of the crazies on there.

Ok, everyone, play nicely today. I’m off to my meeting, lunch, then Costco — shall I pick you up 4 pounds of soap while I’m there?

You see, if I didn’t suck; this post would have photos. If I didn’t suck, I would not have tried to kill myself to get a full day’s worth of work done in two hours. If I didn’t suck, I would not have left the house 10 FULL minutes late and gotten stuck in traffic getting to the city. If I didn’t suck, I would not have followed the directions and parked a near a mile away from the pier I needed. If I didn’t suck, my name would have been on the top line of the “special” list needed to get on the ship. If I didn’t suck, I would not have taken my camera out of my bag and turned it on to discover that my batteries are totally dead. If I didn’t suck, I would have had more to show for my day on the ship is a blister the size of a quarter.

If only I didn’t suck!!!

So, let’s review. Never driven a motorized two-wheeled vehicle before. (The Prince had a long time ago). Went to the DMV yesterday to get the permit to learn how to ride. Took shiney new permits to the Vespa sales place this afternoon to test drive. Came home with a scooter. Yup that wraps it all up for us. Thank you and good night.

Oh, you need details? ‘cuse me, my summary isn’t enough for you guys? Ok, we went to the Vespa sales place and asked to test drive two scooters — different engine sizes (one 200cc and one 250cc). Good news is that they were sold out of the 250’s (which was the only we’d get red — one color crossed off the list). So, now to the part where we test drive. The Prince went out on two scooters with one of the guys from the shop. I however, had the same guy take me to a quiet street to get started and I took off on my own — WOW, it was fun. I need a little time to get used to turning and feeling comfident — but any thoughts of my poor abilities are SHOT.

Would you like to see it? Well, here’s a shot of Prince riding home:
He did pretty well — though he was very slow until he got out on the more open road. You would have seen the moment he got confident on it.
I had to turn off to go get Duke from school. Duke loves the “bike” but he’s not going to ride it anytime soon.
So, want to know what we got? We bought a limited edition GT in midnight blue. That brown seat under the Prince’s butt — is a custom-made suede seat. (Yes, I loved THIS bike for the seat) — we got the seat for free — so I’m thrilled to say the least. In addition, there will be a matching top box coming in 8 weeks (they have to color match it) and a chrome rack for the front. And the Prince’s “crown” is a slate grey Nolan with a face shield. I however, HAD to have a Vespa helmet (which has no face shield), but I got it in white with blue leather trim. There was much discussion on if it would white with blue leather or white with brown leather. Ideally, I would have wanted a blue helmet with brown leather — but that wasn’t an option.
Next up is taking our safety classes and going back to the DMV for our actual licenses. YIPPIE.

I’m thrilled. I would have said we picked the color because it was my secret pal’s suggestion, mostly to suck up and stay on her good side, but it would have next to nothing to do with us falling in love with the seat in the showroom — no, it was ALL my secret pal.

And to Polly who didn’t like my choices and decided on Peach Puff (which I think may be more because she’d like to see the Prince drive a scooter in Peach Puff). In honor of my new love affair with this woman, I’m thinking of dedicating a small PINK bag in the under seat area to her. We shall forever more call it a “Polly Bag.” Love it. Perhaps she will feel honored.

Now we must wonder if my spoilee will like Vespa stuff? I happen to have friends at a shop now — and for the record, I will NOT be knitting a cover for any part or the whole thing. I’m nuts, but not (as of yet) THAT crazy.

Final photo of the lovely:

Since I can’t find any coherant thoughts this morning (not enough coffee I’m sure), I’m going to have to leave you with a few notes from Snarkville:

1. My Secret Pal LIVES. She has responded to my e-mail and seems to think I may be weird enough to like me (her words, not mine) — I’m SO thrilled with that. I love being weird enough to be liked.
2. If you ever have a need to remove blood, I may suggest reading a little posting from our very own Bad Mommy.
3. The Prince will be arriving home by noonish for us to go use our shiny new permits on a test drive. I can’t wait. I’m thinking this means I may be forced to change from my PJs, but this is still under some debate.
4. Tomorrow begins my Summer of Busy. I’ll be in the city on a ship tour. Yes, there may be a “special” photo for my friends in Snarkville. I know you will all be thrilled.

Ok, that’s all before the showering and dressing thing begins. I may post this evening if there is any updates on the scooter. Until then, I’m looking for an opinion — Black, Blue, or Red? (Note red would be a slightly larger engine and the Blue is more Midnight). I’m seriously thinking about changing the seat to a tan leather over black. And what do we think — matching Vespa Helmet?