Join Me in Snarkville

Oh, yes, the Queen took her tests yesterday and in the process she got BURNED. Ok, first you will want to know that no the Queen is certified to ride around in a parking lot! She passed her class with colors that were flapping there wings REALLY hard attempting to fly. But she passed. No she was not at the bottom of the class, but we all know what they call the guy who graduates at the bottom of the class in med school right? DOCTOR. So, I passed. I have my little paper that says “DMV, Give this woman a license.” I feel great, except that I’m red in my face and neck. I wore sunscreen folks; reapplied as needed; but I’m so naturally fair that I turned into a red and white racoon (I had glasses on) quickly. But before I go on to anything else in my world, I wanted to introduce you to the fine humans I had in class with me:

Meet Gary. Gary looked like he was few bricks short of a bushsel. While not dumb, just not bright. Gary was also in his 50’s and wasn’t going through a mid-life crisis from what I could tell. In thinking it through, I’m betting he was there because he was trying to save gas money more than the thrill of two wheels. He wore work gloves, a borrowed helmet, a faded Lands’ End rugby shirt, and circ. 1979ish men’s leat.her lace up ankle booties. It was a look, let me tell ya.

Meet Matt. I met Matt walking into class on Saturday when he asked me where class might be. He rode in on his bike and was really there for the insurance break. Matt wears a matt black helmet because it is like his name. Matt is 19 or 20. He is cute and dumb — much like a puppy. He gets by on this great smile and unembarassed attitude, but beyond that there isn’t much there.

Meet John and Ross. This is a father and son duo. Dad rides a Harley and the son has been dirt biking for years. John told me that he thought to do this as a bonding thing between them and he was going to get Ross his own bike this fall. Ross probably isn’t 20, but is polite and sweet. John was a delight to speak with too (though vaguely gave me the creepy feeling that he was constantly checking to see if I was married). My favorite story of them is when they gave us their scores at the end. The Coach (Amie) said, “Ross, you got a perfect score. I watched you on the range and you are really good. I would like to invite you become a Rider Coach if you wish.” John, who was standing next me, stood up a little taller with pride. It was sweet. [After seeing this, if Duke wants to ride the scooter when he is older, I may send both the boys through school together. I think it sends a powerful message that father and son did it together. But Duke, nor Prince, will be on a motorcycle. The Queen has spoken.]

Meet Jim. Jim is tall and lean. In class he was the typical go getter type. He read all the stuff before hand and had highlighted it. He wrote the answers out to all the questions before hand too. He was organized and competant. On the range he wore black leather pants and sport bike boots. They were very new. He owns a 650cc something or other and wants to get into the motorcross type stuff. I liked Jim from the very beginning. He seemed to be the dad who would have his kids in little league and yet had this odd edge to him with the bike thing. He was encouraging to a fault, especially to me. For some reason, we would be in line together and would chat during the breaks. He felt my pains with problems with tight right turns — don’t ask it is a long story — but trust me when I say they feel totally different than lefts. On day two at 3pm, we go to take a break. Jim pops to his car, an Acrua SUV, and comes to the break area with a cooler so packed with drinks (Gatorade, lemonade, water, Pepsi, Hanson’s Raspberry Soda, etc) that it served two ranges and there were people grabbing drinks on the way home. Yup, total suck up — and yet, I still liked him.

Meet Helen. Helen and her son and daughter were in class together. Helen was inheirting her son’s scooter (125cc) and had never been on one until Saturday. She had a lot to learn. She needed help to get the scooter on and off the stand; she couldn’t control it well in turns; and she showed no confidence. She passed too — perhaps we should debate the numbers who pass, right? However, her daughter dropped her bike in the middle of the test. Because there were two ranges going on the daughter was able to re-test on the other range and got her certs.

Those are the folks of note. Let me tell you, I spend a long time with these fine examples of humanity - and yet, I’m thrilled none of them knows where I live.

On to a few other things.

• More sun for the Queen today as I get to take Duke to his swimm lesson at 11am. 30 minutes in the sun today through Thursday.
• Happy Father’s Day, Prince. He was thrilled to learn that the cat puke I told him was on his laptop was really just cards from Duke and I. His present was a Canon Rebel Camera that I got him a while back.