Join Me in Snarkville

…that the Queen has a few opinions? Shut up, I just have a few. But I’m willing to share them this morning with you. Feel lucky? Well, I’m sharing my opinions in the form of my reviews of stuff.

Early post note: In re-reading this post, I feel there should be a warning that this is far less than my normal snark — in fact it could be downright positive. We don’t think I’m losing my edge, do we?  So to prevent that, I thought I start with my open letter to shoppers out there.

Dear fellow Cart Driving Shopper:

   I appreciate that you, like me, are in fact trying to find things in this store.  I appreciate that you, like me, will be purchasing more than you can carry in your own very hands.  I appreciate that you, like me, may need a few minutes to choose between the various items on the shelf to decide which will make it home with you.  However, while I can appreciate all of these things, I can no longer stand quietly by and ignore you complete and total lack of a clue.  You see, when driving your cart, you must appreciate that there are others that exist on this planet Earth with you and thus may need to to occupy an aisle at the same time as you.  Here are a few pointers to remember when driving your cart:

1. You shall not try to take your half out of the middle.  Almost every aisle in both Target and Costco (plus countless other locales) have aisles large enough for at least two carts to pass each other — provided one of you (namely, YOU) don’t PARK your cart in the smack middle of the aisle.
2. You shall not park your cart across the entrance of an aisle.  Yes, I know it must seem so normal that this is where you might think a cart should go to stay out of YOUR way, but it will hamper me from making my right turn down the aisle with shampoo that I need.  And no, I’m not going to walk completely around the aisle to avoid making you move (as much as you look at me like I have four heads).  My shampoo is on this end of the aisle, this is where I am, dang it — you are in my way.
3. You shall not grab two carts in an effort to split up and not in fact, split up.  This will cause you and your hubby (and your assorted 19 children — you do know what causes it right — STOP IT) to walk side by side and block an entire aisle.  This can be made only slightly more annoying by the fact you then will check out in the express lane because you bought TOOTHPASTE.
   
4. You shall stay WITH your cart.  And by “with” I mean within a body length.  Yes, I completely understand parking OUT OF THE WAY, but parking in the middle of the aisle to run four aisles over is not proper cart procedure.  Also, it is often easier to to stay out of other people’s way if you are actually WITH your cart.
   
5. If you routinely use the express lane (10 items of less) and none of those items is larger than your own hand, kindly consider instead of a cart next time, carrying a basket.  This could save all of lots of trouble, since it would be your ass and not your cart in the way — at which point, I’d be consider highly uncouth to mention that you might visit Weight Watchers  at somepoint.
6. Finally,  should you have failed at any of the above and meet ME with my cart (which will have stuff in it, be properly aligned to the right side of the aisle, be continuing to move in a forward direction) and you are in my way (with your empty cart, parked for a LONG time in the center of the aisle and you are more than 8 feet away from it), do NOT get all pissy at me when I move your cart out of my way.  There is nothing in it (not like I’m shopping out of your cart) and you were too far away from it to notice the entire line of people you are single handedly holding up.
   

Loving Yours,

The Queen of the Carts

(Ah, yes — now I feel better) — onto the reviews and less snark.

The movie Chasing Liberty

Now, stop laughing that a) I watched this movie; b) that it came out 2 years ago and I just now saw it; or c) that I felt the need to review it.

This movie is pretty much typical of your teen romantic comedy. There’s confusion, teen drama, and the over-arching theme that parents just don’t understand. Ok, moving on from that — the only reason to watch this movie is the co-star, Matthew Goode. HELLO. Ok, so he’s like a child — but oh, so hot. There’s way too many shirtless shots of this man in this utterly dumb movie for this old, married woman. And let’s just add to his appeal that he’s a Brit too. Moving on. Look something shiney.

The Orange Glo Floor Cleaning System

I bought this yesterday in an effort to find a way to clean our various floors well and easily. There are three micro fiber cloths (with a pole and some cleaners) and I went for this option over the Swiffer (that I used to own) because of all the good things I’ve heard about cleaning with microfiber. I’m pleased. With next to no work, I was able to get up a few things (that may or may not be dried cat food next to their dishes) without getting on my hands and knees. Like I said, I give this item thumbs up thus far.  If we can convince Duke to use it well, then it will completely get my votes of being an amazing product.
The Swiffer Carpet Flick

I bought this thing specifically for our only installed carpet which is on the stairs — frankly the vacuum and the stairs don’t mix well. But I gave it test run on the rug outside the cats box. Now I’m impressed, it not only picked up the litter I could see, it picked up the hair I could not. WOW. While I’m less than thrilled to have to keep buying those fly paper sticky things — I think this will be the perfect solution to the “but I don’t want to get the vacuum out” moments — which let’s face it is all the time.
SureFit Slipcovers

Let me back up on this recent purchase. In a moment of sheer stupidity, the Prince and I bought NAVY BLUE couch and chair/ottoman for our house. This was dumb because we had THREE cats and a dog and not much longer after we had Duke. So, let’s say that these have been a cleaning nightmare. So, in the potty training of Duke, we thought a washable cover would be a decent idea (don’t ask how this conversation began). So, I had this awesome thought: slipcovers!!! So, I went shopping and took a gamble on the new stretch slipcovers from Sure Fit. We got the ottoman and the chair ones and I’m waiting on the one for the couch. Since I’ve learned as I grew older, we got them in the EXACT color of my cats and dog.

These are not the slipcovers of years ago — the ones I got to cover my parents’ hand me down couch that I hated. These are actually nice. I am currently impressed that they are staying in place without me having to constantly re-tuck them in AND how easy they were to go on.

(Please don’t think the middle two opinions will make me want to clean my home anymore than I already do — but if it helps to get it done faster, all the better.)

Can we tell that I’ve been bitten by the spring cleaning bug? Yup, it may be the middle of the melting summer heat, but the bug bit me. The Prince will tell you that go through this every so often. Typically it involves bags and bags of crap leaving the house and then I get bored or over my “illness” and just stop. Well, perhaps this won’t be any different, but I have dreams of a clean house — or at least a house that won’t need to be cleaned before you can CLEAN it. So, thanks to Flylady, I’m starting on a small little program. I mentioned this to Niki, who not only took this and ran with it — is now doing MUCH better at it than me (please let’s not mention her playroom). But it isn’t a competition, right? RIGHT? Come on, as if any of us really believe this? So, I’m working on getting my butt back in gear.

In other big news, the Prince and I had a fight last night. (he just died a little as he read this) Please note it wasn’t one of those big fights that we married folks try to pretend we don’t really have but we all know we do. It was more like one of those fights that we have whenever we try to work together on something. One day, when we mature, we will schedule this fight when we plan our trips, our projects, anything that involves us working together and not one of us working and the other one being all snarky. So, what is it that we were doing our little pre-working together fight about? Well, you see — we are in the process of starting to podcast for the business. Yup, last night *I* thought we were going to do a test run — HE thought we should post it. I still think we should re-record it and *I* think he may agree with me. So, perhaps tonight we can have take two of the recording process. With any luck, you may be able to hear us next week sometime. (Prince also died a little when he reads that I’m throwing this out there before we published anything — but you guys are my friends right — you’ll support me — RIGHT?)

In final other news, I leave on Tuesday for Seattle and Victoria. I can’t wait to return to one of my favorite cities ever. Prince is trying to figure out what he is going to do if I call from the airport and refuse to come home. I will try to report in as I can — but no promises.