Join Me in Snarkville

Or not. Yes, the Queen has arrived safely in Seattle, one of her very favorite cities. However, in the journey she has managed to prove yet again she has no royal training. But I’m getting ahead of myself, let me back up. And while I’m making the beep-beep backup sounds, might I suggest a cup of coffee or a trip to the potty this will take a while.

I woke up in traffic. Let’s kindly ignore the fact that I was pretty much sound asleep when I got into the car and at some point along the way I thought, “hmm perhaps I should open my eyes here.” KIDDING, sort of. A note to my fellow drivers out there:

• Can one of you please show me where the sign on my car that says, “please cut me off then drive horribly slow” is? I wish to remove it.
• If you would like to be the slowest lane of traffic, please pull in behind me. I assure you that whatever lane I’m in will grind to a complete halt while the rest of the road is happily driving 80 MPH.
• Yo, Dude. I’m NOT waving at you. The correct response to my hand gesture is not to flirt, roll down your window in bumper to bumper traffic and ask for my phone number. PLEASE.

It was shockingly easy to park to get into the airport. Before I go on, I must send a massive congrats to Alaska Airlines for being what I remember an airline to be 15+ years ago. They were happy, responsive and helpful. In this world where so many airline employees are near hateful, I wanted to hug each and everyone of Alaska’s flight attendants – I stopped after the first one for fear of being a security threat.

Once I arrived and located my bag, I lucked into great transport to my hotel. Ah, my hotel. I Pricelined the hotel and I have a nice one. Let’s just sum up my room with the two things I love the most – down duvet and down pillows. Yes, real live down. I’m in love. In addition I’m in Downtown Seattle, so I could walk to where I wanted to go.

At about 1:30pm, I got hungry and stopped into a soup place. This place had 14 soups and by far the BEST Lobster Bisque that crossed my lips. So, now with my belly full, a sense of adventure in my heart, and no sense of direction, I set off. I did NOT get lost. Let me give a tip to anyone who hasn’t walked every street of Downtown Seattle. To get to the bay, go downhill. This is important, remember this.

I shopped in Pike’s Place market. I wound my way through various places. I found a yarn store with a SALE – a huge sale. I took my packages and headed back through town. I walked for something close to 4 hours. Then I headed UPHILL to my hotel. Uphill at nearly a 45 degree angle. Uphill after my legs were already rubber. Uphill in 90 degree weather. UPHILL damnit. While I made it to my hotel, cussing half the way up the last hill outloud; I was red in the face and huffing and puffing like the out of shape person I am.

I sought refuge in my shower. Add to the good things about this hotel, amazing water pressure. Water pressure that could take skin off. AHHH.

Then I got hungry again and I headed off to dinner. At this point, I was feeling cocky and confident in my exploration skills of Seattle. I decided to head to Pioneer Square because I remembered some neat outdoor eating places there. What I failed to remember is that they were bars. Nope, sorry, not eating alone in a bar. The Queen has her limits. So, I headed back to another place I saw. On my way back UPHILL, I began to think I should have called this entry, “Why there are no flabby asses in Seattle” Then I saw a few – so moved on. I decided to dine at Metropolitan Grill – mostly because it looked good and well, was no longer uphill.

The Grill boasts the best steaks in town. I sat down. I looked at the menu and died. I’m dead now, typing this post mortem. There is no way I lived through seeing the cheapest steak on the menu $50. Oh my. I saw a Martini for $195. I’m dead. I ordered the Portabella Mushroom. It was fabulous. In fact it was everything I could have possibly wanted. Overpriced but great. However, in my attempt to enjoy every penny from the mushroom, mashed potatoes, and onion strips – I may have dropped my knife. The process of dropping my knife meant that my mushroom may have landed on the middle of my (wait for it) WHITE tee shirt. I may have in the process needed to wipe my ankle off too. I’m tell you, I’ve got class. (I’m taking tips to remove mushroom stains now, please)

I gave them my arm and part of my leg and left to climb back uphill again to my hotel. It only dawned on my as I was walking in that perhaps all this walking wasn’t my best plan, since I’m going to be um, WALKING for the next four days. I’ve taken some pain meds in hopes of getting ahead of the soreness.

As I’m winding down for the day, I got to thinking that in all my travels for business, I’ve never had downtime just for me like this. To do what I did today was amazing. The Prince always scheduled himself this extra time, but I couldn’t. In a way this was exactly what I needed. I needed to go where I wanted and not have to look after anyone else for a little bit. I miss my boys terribly and can’t wait to get home. But for a day, I got to do something I’ve never done — something strictly for me. And I’m loving it.