Join Me in Snarkville

MommyBlogging is a Radical Act:Last year Alice Bradley brought the house down declaring MommyBlogging a “radical act.” Now, Marrit Ingman asks Alice, along with Tracey from Sweetney and Mir from Woulda Coulda Shoulda exactly what that means. Far from receding, this issue continues to resonate on- and off-line. Can you say “MommyWars”? Well, plenty of moms wish you wouldn’t

Session Notes:
Please note that I am typing during this session. I expect a blanket forgiveness on any spelling, grammar, or nonsense mistakes. I may come back and clean this up and add any content in the “post production” of this entry. If I have anything to say that isn’t part of the live-blogging itself (read: my personal running commentary), I will note it by the italics.

Special Disclaimer: This is the session I begged to live-blog. So, I’m thrilled to do this section. However, before I begin, I’m required to announce that Mir, Alice, Marrit, and Tracey are all really pretty. And they are. (However, they all refuse to look at the camera at the same time)

Approaching Discussion is Primary Q&A this is not a presentation — asking questions and answering them.

But first a word from our sponsors: Our Story. (a public or private place to house the stories of your life)

Winner of their story contest: (they get a great prize plus BlogHer ‘07 paid trip): Bernie for “Corn on the Can”

And on with the show. Welcome to ask any question — the “leaders” may or may not answer

Question: Linda Herishman? Any one?

silence. dead silence.

Mir: Says she sets back the feminist movement because she is over educated and stayed home with her kids. Feminism should be about choices.

Merrit: Linda is “old school” feminist. But it is totally ok and radical to have power and still choose to opt out.

Question: I blog about my kids and blog about other things. I struggle with the term mommyblogger. Why am I looking for something to Id myself as other than a mother. Why do I not want to be a MommyBlogger? Not hostile about it — but not sure why am I looking for a different ID?

Alice: May burst into song. Struggled with the MommyBlogging term. It is inheirly dismissive. I am a MommyBlogger, but I do other things.

Tracey: How are we using the term? Am I one? But I’m a mother and a blogger. It tends to mean blogs of parenting or is it any mother who has a blog? What is the needed content to be one.

Alice: It is a way to dismissive. You are “just a mommyblogger”. BUT these blogs are “reproducing” But despite the dismissive name, this builds great community.

Merrit: Great to discuss the CRAFT. If the writting is good. Are diapers and poop less important than your recipes? How dare they.

Alice: talking about our families were called Naricists — but other blogs later were extolled.

Question: People are searching for stories for people who have the same life stories. There is no meeting everyone’s needs.

Tracey: Because mother’s aren’t supposed to be dynamic people.

Question: How could expose your kids? As opposed to the what you hand your kids the history of your young life. I don’t care.

Question: Comment — this is how people snear mommies. Q: Should we come up a new labels.

Alice: I don’t think we are under attack. Are the attacks vicious because the stakes are higher?

Mir: It isn’t the label that is the problem. It is how the label is USED.

Alice: But people snear at blogs — that’s so cute for you.

Tracey: Discent.. the MommyBlogger means you have nothing interesting to say and you are boring. It is sexism. The problem is the word “mommy”

Alice: Maybe not all people think this is dismissing. It is different when your kids call you “mommy”

Question: (the line grows): it is easier for me to talk about the insecurities about being a mommy online instead of in person with my co-workers. Blogging allows me to work out how to parent, instead of with family where I’m more than just a mother. There is a huge difference between writting stories about your kids and exploring the feelings and how to parent.

Alice: this is where it is radical. It hammers home that there is no one right way.

Merrit: this is what is empowering and that message doesn’t get across in other mediums than blogging or forums. When writting her book, she was told “mothers don’t want to hear about this stuff.” Have you ever met mothers? Mother’s don’t always want experts or celebrity. Blogging is ligit media. Passing along the message that there is more than one way to raise a kid.

Tracey: One of the most powerful thing about these blogs is expressing the “I don’t know what I’m doing” Trying to find your way and hearing other voices and getting responses to your own insecurity is strengthening and that is community and there is supprt there. and that is way it is SO powerful.

Question: Motherhood is the hardest job. Moms should be worshipped. Parenting information is passed online over the old-fashioned classes.

Question from a non-mother: Lack of single mommybloggers. Esp. young ones. is there a resource.

Alice: single mom blog idea.

Mir: but I’m too old.

From the crowd: they are out there.

Mir: there may be less in the under 25 group because of the need to go to school, etc.

Question from a non-mom and teacher: Research for a book on the relationship between the media and your children. there is more than anti-feminism issue here. Corporations are against you, because you STAND between them and YOUR kids. Bottom line is we need to ban together to support and lift up parenting.

Merrit: Adding to this — When we are caring for our kids or our parents we are no longer making moeny for anyone — thus we are useless to the corporates.

Statement from the crowd: Mother are the most powerful marketing group there is. People want your money.

Merrit: They respect us more as consumers than workers. mother’s are less likely to receive job offers.

Question: We blog for the community. Now that we are wanted, how do we stay true to why we do this and how do you handle the hits and comments.

Alice: didn’t come into this for the community — I write and this was a place to write. I’ve thought about turning off the comments then felt awful. When you get into 100’s of comments and then it takes a nasty turn. I have no answers. it is hard when you address serious issues.

Mir: what is your blogger philisophy. Long ago, I responded to all of them. i get comments that I respond to if it strikes me — but I’ve seen love matches in my comments. I hope that the people understand that.

Tracey: Is that the expectation?

Q: Do we lose community?

Alice: i think it spwans new community.

Q: I’m happy to be a mom. because I have a choice to stay at home and I embrass it. I’m a snarky writer. I often write about my son, and then I get comments back because someone takes me too seriously — esp. to make a story funnier.

Alice: I wrote about my dog being sick and got outraged comments because I was being funny. It is easy to write like you are talking and people often miss what you mean.

Tracey: It seems to happen more with people who are new and don’t understand it.

Q: it is bullshit to say — I put my website out there and I don’t care. i wish people would really own what they do. Because it is cool.

Q: Last Year — lots of anger. How has it changed in the last year.

Alice: (Who wants her own mike): I’m embarassed because were so dismissed. We were such a small group last year, but now I feel like we are a power force.

Tracey: We also have to thank Heather from Dooce for some of this. She shows women with kids are smart, funny, and amusing things to say.

Mir: Not here last year. The big change is the advertising dollars are growing which means people are taking notice. it has helped validate what we do too.

Q: I blog because I was shocked that motherhood was an isolating experience. Advice wasn’t real until you found the blogging. Why don’t Daddybloggers get the same backlash?

Alice: The NYT article did include daddybloggers.

Mir: it is novel for men to be “involved with their kids”

Q: My blog changed me as a woman. i love the community, but my confidence has grown. It has changed how I look at myself and empowered me to do more while being a mom. How do you feel this has happened to you?

alice: it has helped me as a parent. step back and get prespective. And as a woman, When you hear that something you dismiss and people say it changes your life.

Tracey: You write and People read. it is exciting and gives you a voice in the world. i am a stronger person.

C: You can say, I am a writer. I am a mother. It expands the roles.

W: Don’t diminish the title. We are taking back the term MommyBlogger back. There was a hateful post about “I hate MommyBlogger” — quote: I want to rip their ovaries through their noses. Acknowledge it and walk away.

(so much for the lack of hate in this year’s session)

Let’s not give them a huge forum.

C: MommyBloggers is ageless. Common with being a mom and not the age thing. I’m an old school feminist. Linda H is more the NOW feminist movement. Marketing is taking over the term. MommyBlogging is policatial.

Q: MommyBlogging and Profanity. Does this diminish our words?

Tracey: No, shit, I should be the person to address that. It is a word. it is how you employ it. I don’t think that words are bad or good, they are just words. I’m not using those words when dealing with my daughter — it is my blog not my daughter’s. It is for mothers.

Mir: I think it is an individual thing.

Merrit: My mom says to me. Stop using that “blue language you might be turning someone off who would otherwise listen to you.”

Alice: Sometimes I think it is lazy — going for the cheap laugh.

Merrit: At times it is important to use strong language when you have strong feelings. and Mommy gets mad.

Q: Come back to what we call ourselves and trolls. On the first one: Do you feel that you taken as seriously as a writer because of the mother ID? On trolls, do you engage or walk away?

We should be proud to be attacked because we are force and we threatening.

Tracey: Had a bad troll experience. The advice I got was Ignore, Ignore, Ignore. I engaged and it was a huge mistake. Don’t feed the troll.

Alice: it is critical that you not allow them to control it. “writing well is the best revenge”

Mir: You engage someone who is powerful. If they are trying to be powerful by attacking you, engaging them makes them powerful.

C: Developing a healthy relationship with cursing helps kids.

C: Moms on an issue will take the Hill.

C: When Gloria Steinem got married she said it was about choices. There shouldn’t be a division. There just shouldn’t be a wall. You should not worry about the name MommyBlogger. From the beginning of time women have had places that men were afraid of. It is the greatest gift we have we give each other.

Q: How much of a mother do I put out there in my more professional blog?

Tracey: being a mother is a huge part of my ID. Therefore I talk about it, but I have other interests.

Alice: But it is tough to be naked.

C: Be able to say. I have a child. I have time constraints. AND I’M WORTH IT.

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