Finding Joy in Snarkville

The first answer is Do not Blog!  Blogging at 3:45am is almost always a bad idea.  It is even more certainly a bad idea when you have so MANY other things to do at 3:45am — much more important things to do at 3:45am.

This will come as no shock to anyone who has known me for oh, like a day or two — anyone who may have shared a room with me; or even noticed me wandering around their house in the wee hours of the morning.  I don’t sleep through the night.  Yup, much like a newborn, I don’t sleep all night well.  And to add insult to sleep deprivation, I’m incapable of getting up and accomplishing anything.  Instead, I have mornings like this:

1. Eyes pop open (the pop is audible, you all heard it).  Think, what time is it? 3:45am?  Oh, no. it must be later than that.
2. Roll over 9 billion times trying to find a comfortable spot that will cause my eyes that will now NOT close to actually close.
3. Push cat away who sees you awake and think it is “Rub my belly” time.  There is NO ONE’s belly I’m rubbing before the sun comes up, ok?
4. Resign myself to either wake the Prince with the tossing (and thus endure the “You woke me up/what a crappy bedmate/GO.BACK.TO.SLEEP rant) and turning or just get my butt up.
5. What’s that?  Well, I need to pee anyway.
6. Barefoot pad across the room to the bathroom.
7. On way, step in cat barf.  Think “EW” but say nothing. See “waking Prince”
8. Pee.
9. Wonder briefly how much cat barf there may be on the floor between our room and the TV in the living room.  Dismiss it quickly, as I wonder how it is possible for us to go through SO.MUCH.TOLIET.PAPER. I’m serious, how is it possible for two adults and a single kid….
10. Cat Barf again. The SAME cat barf as when I was waking into the bathroom.  I suck.
11. Off to the living room.  Oh, yes, I could totaly check e-mail, write my blog entry, maybe empty the dishwasher….
12. Cat barf again.  Oh, ick — it is COLD cat barf.
13. Worry briefly if I’m going to spend my day taking a cat to the vet regarding said barfing.
14. Where’s the mute button on my laptop, again?
15. hmm. not much e-mail?  Do people still love me?  Hmm…I wonder who’s awake.  Officially, NO ONE in my buddy list is online at 3:45am, go figure.
16. I don’t feel like blogging yet and what would I blog about this morning anyway.  I’ve been putting off the photo entry — but that would involve photo taking and walking around a dark house with wet, cold cat barf on the floor — I stop to note at NO point during this inner monologue in my head did it occur to me to either turn on a light or CLEAN up the cat barf.
17. Oh, wait, there were things I wanted to Google.  Now what were they? hmm.
18. No, biggie, I’ll watch TV.  Ok, find remote.  Turn down the volume don’t want to wake anyone, right?
19. What to watch?  Well, I have a few things is TIVO, but Prince will get mad if I watch them without him.  Wait, I haven’t finished the movie I started this weekend.  Ok, that’s like 45 minutes left in the movie — no problem.
20. Watch movie.  Turn volume back up to actually be able to hear the movie.  Hear Duke cough from his room. Pause the TV.
21. Wonder if he’s going to wake up and both of us be up at 4:30am (now).  Listen.
22. Un-pause the TV.  Here more coughing.  Then hear Duke’s sleepy voice cry out, “Blanket up.  Help, Mama, Can’t get blanket up.”  Pause TV. Walk down the hall; Yes, I step in cat barf AGAIN; Duke lays back down in his bed, I smooth out the sheet and the blanket he has twisted around him.  He was sleeping before I stepped in cat barf coming back to the TV.
23. Realizing briefly that I’m not smart; I wonder where my slippers might have gotten off to.  Hmm.  I had them….
24. Un-pause TV.  Finish movie.  It is 5am.  Ok the house will stir at 6:10am, so I’ve got an hour to kill.  Oh, I know — I so want to see Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip — I’ll watch that.  Must remember to re-watch it with the sound louder, as I missed every 4th word.  They seem to be important 4th words too.
25. Finish an hour show is less than 45 minutes.  Decide, wisely, to go back and lay down in bed.
26. Step in cat barf once — gee, I must be waking up — crawl into bed.  Make a mental note that I need to wash the sheets.  I close my eyes just for a second….

The alarm sounds and chaos ensues in my house.  The boys are gone now.  My coffee is brewed.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, October 10th, 2006 at 9:03 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.