Join Me in Snarkville

Late last night when I took the photo for this post I had an awesome title, then another and then another. So, this, much like those “Pick your own adventure” books of my youth, is a “Pick your own title” post.

Options are:

• What a Monumentally Stupid Way to Die
• Frankenhouse Strikes Again
• How the Queen Becomes a Widow
• You Want Me to WHAT???
• This is NOT the time to take a Photo
• How to Change a Lightbulb, the non-joke edition

You choose.

Now, MONTHS ago, this one little light bulb in Frankenhouse burned out. However, it is in a spot that is REALLY hard to get to (more on that later), so Prince and my plan was to completely ignore it for as long as possible. Well, as luck would have it, 5 other light bulbs in Frankenhouse had a suicide pact for this weekend, and as the house grew dark, we knew time had finally come to solve this problem.

First, there was the trip to Lowe’s to buy lightbulbs — we needed a BUNCH. And a ladder. Yes, we owned a ladder, but we had this cool folding ladder that wasn’t really going to work for the “problem spot.” We needed yee, old basic 6′ ladder. I mean seriously, nothing that $75 in bulbs and a ladder can’t fixe right? Oh, we could add that to the list of possible titles.

• Is $75 too much to spend to change a lightbulb?

Next, we procrastinated some more. By this I mean, Prince changed a few of the bulbs — like the TWO in the kitchen so I could see to make dinner. He changed the one in the entry way downstairs and the one in the office. We also had dinner, made sure Duke was in bed asleep — because no child needs to see his daddy do this. Ok, this leaves us with the HARD lightbulb to change.

I’d explain, but really, you need a photo

Um, ok….does that help? Do I really have to explain that the light bulb in question has to be in the single DUMBEST place in this whole house? Shall I review the ways in which you can kill yourself in this process? Who knew changing a lightbulb might be the last thing you do? Do you now see why we, I mean Prince, put this change off SO long?

I will say, I was only allowed to take the photo AFTER the bulb was changed, because there was no way Prince was going to allow a flash while standing on that ladder. I will also mention that he refused to let go of the railing and thus stood on the bottom rung in order to change the lightbulb. I will also admit not really being able to watch, as I was forming the 911 phone call in my head.

Me: “I think my husband killed himself changing a lightbulb.”

911: “Ok, RIIIIIGGGGGGGHHHHHHTTTTTT. We will send someone to arrest help you ASAP.”

Or the Law & Order-esque conversation I was going to have “down at the station.”

Green (only because Lennie Briscoe is now dead): Come on, lady, admit it, you PUSHED you husband down the stairs.

Me: No, seriously, I didn’t. He was CHANGING a LIGHTBULB.

Green: Do you think I’m stupid? And what do you mean changing a lightbulb — is that code for “having an affair” or “yelling at you that dinner was cold”?

Me: No, it means that my house has this DUMB lightbulb….

Green: So you are blaming the house?

Me: Yes, the house is Frankenhouse after all. By the way, do you read my blog?

Green: (rolls his eyes)

Everyone can hear the Ba-BUMP.

Ok, back to reality, here Prince is changing a light bulb. He says things like fearing for his life. I try to keep the mood lighthearted — but I’m a good wife enough not to mention my inner-conversations with 911 and Dectective Green.

So, the lightbulb has been changed — it seems that the new bulb is a lower wattage than the old, thus the light isn’t nearly as bright/useful as the old one — but Prince tells me that there is NO way that he’s doing that again — I just wonder how long this bulb will last, and if we get another chance at getting a high wattage bulb in there.  Oh, well — 2 weeks and an open mind and I won’t notice it anymore, correct?

Now, if only Prince could stop shaking as he looks at that light fixture.