Join Me in Snarkville

What a week. A shutter literally runs up my spine when I think about this week. In a word it has been crappy. But as I’m comparing my week to a few of my friends I’m thinking that everyone’s week was pretty crappy. So, when I sit down to reflect upon, I’m forced to wonder, “What makes for a good week? Do we tend to focus so much on the negative that we loose sight of the good stuff?”

In a word, no. No, I have not focused on the negative to the lack of the good things this week. This week has just been crap. Oh yes, I could go on and on about bad bowling scores, poorly launched websites, and a cat who is fading with ABSOLUTELY nothing wrong with him. But I just can’t. So, I the only way to pull myself out of this funk is to focus on the things that make me laugh — which mostly comes at my own expense.

AHEM. I present you with the Queen’s Bloopers of the week:

1. Remember how I was having lunch with a sale rep? Well, I’ve talked to him on the phone many times and from the accent I heard, I would have guessed he was from India or Pakistan. So, running late (as usual), I round the corner and nearly run smack into a blone haired, blue eyed boy (I’m guessing he is really in his mid-thirties, but he looked 18). Um, Max? Hello. Ok, so I listen. He’s NOT from India. Hmmm. Ok, finally, “Max, where are you from?” “Lithuania” Ok, Queen — know thy geography — NOT INDIA. Nowhere near India. In fact (and this is the best part), I try to play all cool as I’m thinking — don’t say something dumb like confusing Lithuania with Lichtenstein. So, I say, “I was thinking Eastern Europe, but not Russian or the Baltics — I couldn’t eat the words fast enough as the map of Europe appears in my head and I see clearly that Lithuania IS in the Baltics. Crap!
2. Bowling Night was horrible. I was so off my game it wasn’t funny. However, I do win the ‘best line of the night award’ (if only it had come out of my mouth the way it sounded in my head). The guy I was playing against was kicking my butt — not hard when I was handing him my game. In the 10th frame of the first game, he’s about to bowl (I’d sucked and was now done with the game), I’m walking back and look over all casual and say, “You know, it doesn’t make you better to beat a girl like this.” Oh, I’m SO cool like that.
3. To follow on the heels of dumb statement one, the guy I had beaten VERY badly looked over at my score and said, “Why couldn’t you have bowled like that last week?” Um. I studdered. I had NOTHING. Nope….no witty comeback — nothing.
4. Knit Night. I’m amoung my people again. I had had a VERY rough day, topped off by a fairly icky phone call at 3pm. I decided to relax and knit and enjoy. The stars align and a bunch of the old time regulars came and we were packed to the gills. So, as things happen during knit night, I get to being a bigger and bigger ham. One of my buds says she’s had a tough week and I look up and say, “I’ll see your tough week and raise you a really bad day on top of it.” Come to find out her head pastor (she’s interning in a church) pulled her aside and questioned her thelogy this week. Um, she wins. (In fact, starting her week off with food posioning made her win before the pastor thing.) Note to self: the universe does not revolve around you and thus you don’t always have the worst week — stop comparing.
5. For Christmas the Queen Mum gave me an amazing gift. She gave me an empty gift card. Sound odd? Not really, once she explained. She didn’t want to limit me to a dollar amount (the card was to a spa) for a service and truly wanted me to get whatever I wanted and thus she worked it out with the spa that she’s pay whatever was spent on the card. This was awesome. I danced around with the card and dreamed of all the things I could do. There were no limits placed and I was TOLD to be free with it. Then my brain kicked in. “Don’t be greedy” says the brain. “Yes, you can certainly plan a full day of beauty at the spa and come out with every service under the moon done, but that would be wrong and you know it.” So, I stewed on this thought for a few weeks. Then, this week — because I’m apparently at the height of my social graces this week — I tell the Queen Mum that she’s given me the hardest gift ever. I love the thought of it and it was really sweet of her, BUT the stress of trying not be greedy OR insult her by getting a $10 eyebrow wax was getting to me. Fortunately the Queen Mum is pretty amazing and she saw through the “I can’t decide this is all too hard for me — give me limits, PLEASE, I work well with those — and said, “fine, I’ll make appointments for you.” But still, I felt like a total heel.

I’m on a roll. I have another day and a half of this week to really drive home that I have no social skills. I wonder if there are any openings to become a hermit anytime soon?