Join Me in Snarkville

Seriously, for me.  I’m beginning to wonder if I’ve gotten to the point that I should no longer be allowed to live an unsupervised life.  Either that or this is just a new list of ways in which “I’m not all that bright”

1. My dryer, for a couple of months now, has slowly not been drying my clothes on the first run through.  Yes, I clean the lint thingie everytime.  I even attacked the area around the lint thingie with the vacuum; with no results.  I had found the ONLY way to get dry clothes was to bake them with a high heat timed dry.  Prince and I had begun to talk repair men (no, we didn’t take the extended warranty, deal).  Last night I was fed up and decided to check the exhaust line before calling the repair guy today.  Any guesses what I found?  I found lint concrete at the outlet.  A hole that should be about 4 inches wide was reduced to an inch.  It took me 20 minutes to scrap all the concrete out WITH A KNITTING NEEDLE.  Result: clothes now dry again.  So glad I didn’t call the repair guy —- also a little peeved I didn’t do this in December when it started bugging me.
2. I still am not unpacked from my cruise trip and I’m about to pack up to go away agai in a few weeks — and I question if I should even bother at this point.
3. I made my coffee this morning.  However, the Splenda for it is in my car — I’m debating between dressed to get the sweetener and my coffee —- and worse, I don’t have a clear winner YET.

Yep, I know you want my life.

Sidenote: Let me begin by sending a shout out to Deb, because when I sat down to blog this morning I was planning on doing something else entirely but wouldn’t have been nearly as fun.

For reasons that completely escape me, I forget stuff — all the time.  There was a point in my life I remembered everything, but I fear today my brain has been filled with useless knowledge (like the longest coast in the US is in Alaska, that strawberries have their seeds on the outside, and Antartica is a dessert with less rainfall than than the Gobe dessert) or I’m suffering from ‘Mommy Brain’ or most recently that I’ve completely embrassed my new blonde do.  But seriously folks I forget stuff all the time — like what was I talking about? (more…)

…until I was hit by the felon* and completely sidetracked with a discussion of arrests and policeladies.

Ok, back to my more boring life again.  On Friday**, I kept Duke out of school.  We talked about how playing hookey wasn’t something I was going to allow since I value an education, but since this was pre-school and one day shouldn’t affect his whole ivy league college application, we were going to do it. (more…)

When I was little (like 4 years old), if asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, I’d tell anyone that I wanted to be a policelady in order to lock up all the bad people in this world.

Oh how I would dream that I’d take down some bad person, someone who had hurt someone else — because frankly to the 4 year old me and the 33 year old me, I can not fathom a greater crime than to hurt another person on purpose. So, I wanted to stamp out all the badness in this world and I felt that being a policewoman was the only way to do that. I also thought that being a policewoman would be a glamorous life because clearly I’d watched too much CHiPs.
I put that dream on the back burner and tried to decide between all the other things I wanted to be: an architect, a banker, a teacher, President, a buyer… the list is endless. But I grew up and left those dream careers behind. (more…)

I so want to declare that I’ve returned to normal.  However, I fear in the world of Snarkville, normal is truly a relative term.

You see, I was officially gone for two weeks.  Two long weeks.  Two weeks full of rest and mental breaks that I really needed.  Two horrible weeks lacking the hugs, kisses and giggles I have come to require as part of my daily life.  And two weeks lacking the normal (yes, I see the irony in this) amount of TV that makes the residents of Snarkville feel connected to the outside world. (more…)

One might wonder where the Queen gets off to on occasions. Well, today, I am sitting in an internet cafe in the middle of deck seven on the Caribbean Princess. Currently the ship is docked in St. Maarten (the Dutch side of the island, for those who wish to be picky).

So, what might you ask is the queen doing on a computer and not something amazing on the island? Well, I’ll tell you — it is HOT. I mean insanity hot. Like I felt something run down my neck and I wiped it away and realized it was grey matter free flowing out of my ears hot. So, I think I’m just as happy sitting here in air conditioning with people waiting on me.

So, since it’s been a week, here’s my most recent list of things I’ve learned since my vacation began:

1. Row 22 can board when “Rows 20 and higher” are called in the airport. No, my little internets, this was not ME that was confused, it was the women next to me who actually asked, “Do you think we can board, we are in row 22.”
2. It is quite possible that on this cruise there is really only ONE shop with a lot of doors, because no matter where you are you see the exact same stuff.
3. I am not a beach person. No, this is not news to anyone, but it has become even more apparent when I step into the dining room each evening and find myself to be the one who glows in the dark.
4. I don’t know if you can teach good taste, but I do know for sure that it isn’t contagious.
5. When standing in downtown St. Thomas and looking across the water you’ll see a Skyway to a lookout point. Get a cab — it is a longer walk than it looks.
6. There are 5 large cruise ships in port in St. Martaan right now, but the 6th one is of most interest to me. Easy Cruise is here.
7. There are 42 letters in the Hungarian language and many more “wowals” than in English.  However, every written letter is pronounced.  No, I am no closer to speaking another language (not the least of which is Hungarian).
8. When at sea for a few days, if you tell people there is a 75% off sale, the line will be EVERYWHERE.  However, the biggest frenzy will be around the $10 accessories tables — the same $10 accessories you could have bought in the boutique all week — for $10!!! Seriously, it was a zoo.

Update:

I’m home now — well, back on land.  Now I can get some rest — because we all know that vacations are not about resting.

I swear to you, I went to bed on Monday and woke up; it was Thursday.  Seriously, I remember too many times when I’d be begging for Thursday to come by 10am on Monday and it just wouldn’t. Time would stand still and not move, but this week is flying by.

However, that it not the point.  The point is that I have a headache.  Yes, perhaps not having had caffeine in nearly 48 hours might have added to my eyeballs wishing to be released from the depths of my skull; but surely this isn’t withdrawl, right?

Again, not the point?

Duke has invented a new game: (more…)

…everyone would be ok with watching the Superbowl like me, 4 hours after it was over and fast forwarding through all the boring football parts. Yup, it took me about an hour to push through the entire game and watch every single commerical. It is like reverse TIVO. (more…)

You’ve seen the couple at the posh resort and you wonder “Where are they from?” “What do they do?” You may sit with/near them at dinner and have a brief, top-level glimpse into their life. But what would happen if you already knew details about them? What would happen if you didn’t have to begin at the beginning? (more…)