Join Me in Snarkville

Sidenote: Let me begin by sending a shout out to Deb, because when I sat down to blog this morning I was planning on doing something else entirely but wouldn’t have been nearly as fun.

For reasons that completely escape me, I forget stuff — all the time.  There was a point in my life I remembered everything, but I fear today my brain has been filled with useless knowledge (like the longest coast in the US is in Alaska, that strawberries have their seeds on the outside, and Antartica is a dessert with less rainfall than than the Gobe dessert) or I’m suffering from ‘Mommy Brain’ or most recently that I’ve completely embrassed my new blonde do.  But seriously folks I forget stuff all the time — like what was I talking about?

Anyway, while on my amazing cruise journey I mentioned here that I now know there are 42 letters in the Hungarian alphabet.  Now, my friend, Deb, has been asking how that could have possibly come up in conversation during my trip.  I had even promised to explain it in my review podcast.  Three guesses (first two don’t count) if I remembered to mention it in the podcast.  [Sidenote the second: If you haven't listened to the podcast yet, you may wish to -- not only do we talk endlessly about cruises, news, and our own warped view of what's happening -- in episode 45 we have a ship name prediction contest -- just saying you might want to give it a whirl.]

So here’s the whole story on the alphabet.

My mother and I went to the two alternative dining places the first two nights of the cruise, so we did not eat in the dining room until the first formal night (which was the third night of the cruise).  On the Caribbean Princess, there are TWO ‘anytime dining’ locations, The Coral and The Palm.  The Coral is easy to get to, popular, and crowded.  Naturally we went there first.  That night we had dinner with Norman Bates.

I’m not kidding, folks.  My ever so polite, big-hearted mother will tell you, “he lack social skills.”  I will tell you that he was beyond weird, a little frightening, and has an un-natural attachment to his dead mother.  The only funny moment during the meal was dessert when he whips out the camera and declares, “My brother says I have a talent for taking photos of desserts.”  Well, golly, someone needs to do that because frankly this world is lacking in truly great dessert photos.

So, under the guise of trying out the OTHER place (it really was on the to do list but moved quickly to the top) in an effort to avoid Norman, we went to The Palm the next night.  This is where I met Zoltan, the wonder waiter.  First thing Zoltan says to us as we sit down, “You look over the menu and tell me what you think you want, then I’ll tell you if I’m willing to bring it to you.”  Right there, I had found *MY* waiter.  He was amazing.  His English was ok (and by ok, I mean I understood every third to fifth word), but his attitude was outstanding.  He made us laugh and laugh for the next three nights too.  He told us of an upcoming full ship charter for a GLBT cruise.  This was made funnier when another one of his tables asked him if he had a girl back home, then ammended the question with “or a boy” — Zoltan went on for at least a half an hour about “do I look like I float to you??”  It was the wrong kind of funny that made everyone — including a few of the gay wait staff fall over laughing.

So during one of our conversations, I commented about Princess’s policy to only speak English in public spaces.  He says it can be hard since there aren’t many of the crew for which English is their first language (this is one of those things you know in your mind, but it didn’t gel for me until he said it).  He talked about all the things that go on during a meal, some of which happen quickly, and it is just easier to make your point in the common first language — but alas, against policy.  Then we spoke about him doing a high school exchange program in Atlanta (yes, his English did have a bit of a drawl).  And somewhere in all of that he mentions that Hungarian is one of the hardest languages to learn, because of all the letters and the many more ‘wowels.’  But he quickly follows that up with, “but it is easy for me, I’ve been doing it my whole life.”

Oh yes, I seriously wanted to talk Zoltan home with me.  I think Prince might have balked at taking in a funny, 26 year old Hungarian to raise — but it would have been fun.  So, here’s my advice, if you find yourself on the Caribbean Princess this year (keep in mind when contracts renew, he’ll get moved to a new ship, I’m sure) call and ask if Zoltan is onboard — then book every meal with him.

Because, as he told me, “There’s no ‘tan’ like Zoltan.”