Join Me in Snarkville

Warning: I was not in the best of places this weekend. Not for the normal reasons I’m out of sorts mind you, but I was totally hormonal and the words ‘total bitch’ come to mind. I wish I could tell you that I had the clarity of mind to declare myself not fit for humans and give myself a time out. Oh, but no, that would be calm and rational of me, which unfortunately I was not. It was not pretty, I know — but we all have lived through it and for that alone we shall be grateful.

However, there are a few things I have learned this weekend:

1. If you ever need proof that the universe is heading to greater and greater chaos, just look at my son’s room. We literally took 7 garbage bags of junk stuff to Goodwill this weekend. I emptied his toy box in our living room only putting back 5 toys (and their parts — don’t get me started on their parts). The rest of the bags were clothes that were outgrown and a few larger toys that weren’t being used and taking up space.
2. If you want a child to play with a toy, put it in the pile to go to Goodwill. I’ve never seen Mr. Potato Head played with so much since the day he came home.
3. The biggest tragedy I can inflict seems to be a draw between saying no to ice cream after ‘the weekend of sugar’ OR refusing to allow Dirty Jobs after a Playhouse Disney marathon.
4. All of these hardships are forgiven when we purchase a pair of Curious George shoes. (His feet keep growing — what is up with that? Yes, I know it is good — but somewhere recently his feet went from cute little things to these MASSIVE BOY feet.
5. If you attend a birthday party, which is an ‘all day’ bash, the best thing you can hope for is a host who doesn’t keep telling the kids that we are going to do the NEXT thing and then not do it for another half an hour. (At one point, I was holding 3 kids back from the door waiting to go on the ‘treasure hunt’ — the ‘hunt’ however, was a completely wonderful and inspired idea….until the kids began to EAT all that candy.)
6. My husband likes Laffy Taffy Now or Laters. ’nuff said and might as well be the same thing.
7. You are NOT allowed to declare you don’t like something and then NOT stop eating it.
8. If you want a husband to talk to you, just sit down to read something. (I fear I do the same thing to Prince, but in my advanced hormonal state, it seemed over the top this weekend.)
9. If you want sleep in the wee hours of the morning, do not come to my house. It seems that our youngest cat does not have night crazies, like so many kitties. Oh, no, he crawls into bed the same time we do and falls fast asleep….until 4am. At which point, he will run around like his tail is on fire for 3 straight hours. (He also bounces off of furniture in his attempts to hop up.)
10. Finally, if you want to try to feel better about the weekend, you could always try this.

Yes, I’m better now. I’m enjoying my coffee and my quiet. I will be playing tour guide this morning - details will follow (and since I’m known for getting lost in the city, me being a tour guide should provide a laugh or nine.)