It takes little bits
So, I’m a wee bit scattered today. I feel completely pulled in 1000 directions and none of them seem forward. So I bring you just a wee bit of randomness today — and today, it is form of the open letter, because I feel like it.
Dear Mid-Snark-Target-Shopping-Cart drivers:
Ok, I realize that my manifesto on the proper driving of the shopping cart has not made it here yet, but please — for the love of all that is cheap — STOP parking your cart in the OPENING of an aisle. Yes, it is always the aisle I need to walk down. Yes, I expect you to move. No, I don’t think I’m unreasonable when I ask you “May I PLEASE get my shopping done while you stop and do what??? Oh, yes, contemplate your naval.”
Yours,
The Queen
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Dear Squirrels:
I know you are mad because of the way cool baffle we installed to keep you out of the bird food. Prince is considering installing a Squirrel Bungee — but that’s more for our enjoyment than yours. But still — you will not win against my baffle. Please stop trying:
Just remember you are not smart — and I am.
The Queen
PS Are you the one that was in my attic the other night? If so, I have some yummy, yummy food for you.
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Dear Goldfinch Family:
Welcome to the neighborhood. I hope you find that nest you are making comfy and want to raise some finchy babies here. Do you want some yarn to make it complete or is that spider web working out for you? Feel free to laugh at the squirrels when you grab a bite to eat.
Hope you like the food,
The Queen
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Dear Kids Camp:
Thank you so much for the fabulous summer you gave Duke. He loved it so much and talks about it all the time. However, would you take a few minor notes for next year?
- Move the vending machines and video games from right outside your room. I spent way too much on that driving game that my son can’t really even reach the pedals. On the upside, his goal of being a racing driver by age 8 will most certainly come true….as long as my quarters hold out.
- Perhaps you might want to rethink giving *MY* son a microphone. Just saying.
- Thanks for the honorable mention in the talent show. I’m thrilled he did such an outstanding job and I’m certain that his future as a stand-up comic will be waiting for him once he is off the racing circuit. Also, thanks for planting that wee little seed into my son’s brain.
- Could you perhaps separate the girls and boys? It was embarrassing to ME to have to wait for all the girls in his group to hug him good-bye daily. Boy, who’d a thunk a group of 3rd graders would fall for him so quickly — it was the talent show, wasn’t it? (So happy he doesn’t know his phone number yet.)
- Could you be less fun so that I wouldn’t have a ‘bored’ kid because there is NOTHING to do?
Thanks,
The Queen
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Finally.
Dear School:
Please start already.
Thanks,
The Queen