Join Me in Snarkville

When Duke isn’t informing me how to drive when we are in the car, he is ordering his own fleet of cars around our home with the intensity of your average prison warden.  He is, um, SERIOUS about his cars.  As I’m typing this he is ‘racing’ a car and an airplane on the deck of an aircraft carrier.  (Yes, I know where he gets these ideas, thank you, Top Gear.)

Anyway, the point is that he’s a ‘car guy’ in the making — though I’m doubtful that he will be changing his own oil or restoring a classic Mustang; he seems to like cars.  That said, he’s been discussing getting a driver’s license (this may be the result of the popular phrase while driving “If you don’t have a driver’s license you may NOT comment on my driving.”) and driving his car.

I present to you, Duke’s request for Christmas — he would like a ‘Duke-Sized Car,’ specifically this one:

I’m sure it will fit under the tree, right?

My son is a backseat driver.  Oh, if that wasn’t the understatement of the year.  Duke is more than a backseat driver, he is more of a backseat dictator.  He feels that he massive amounts of driving experience (i.e., none) affords him the knowledge of the rules of the road.

Case in point, he once (ok, honestly, MORE than once) argued the Queen Mum down about if she was allowed to  make a right turn on red.  He firmly held for the longest time that since red lights mean stop then you were not allowed to stop and then make a right turn.  I can not tell you how long we took to try to convince him otherwise, but alas we did.  Then he decided that you could not make a left turn without a green arrow, so what about all those intersections without turn lanes or green arrows??  See, to argue is pointless and may be the cause of my twitch.

So, given this, I’ve been forced (for my own sanity that is) to try to teach my future driver what the various street signs mean.  I’ve done very well with the various kinds of parking spaces we can’t park in (dang those blue spaces) and the traffic light colors and meanings.  Then today, he spotted a sign and he decided he would tell me what it means.

First the sign:

Duke’s Traffic Lesson:

“That sign means ‘No Smoking when driving backwards’”

Now you know.  Go forth and drive in good health, both smoke-free and driving in reverse on a major road.

Yesterday I plucked my poor son out of his school.  We stormed out of the door declaring that the fence gate would not hit us on the way out in our bottoms.  Alas, this storming may have looked a lot more like sniffling and cupcake eating — but it was storming nonetheless. (more…)

Today, I’m flooded with all sorts of emotions.  Today is the beginning and ending and I can’t help but feel like both the rug has been pulled out from beneath me and excited about the new horizon I’m facing.  But before I get into all of that fun a flash forward to Duke the teenager:

I had some errands to do after school today.  The first was to the office supply place in which I denied my child an “Easy Button” (hateful I know).  The next was to pick up Prince’s winnings at the bowling alley for the season.  At the stop, Duke really wanted to bowl, but alas, only the big kids were bowling and I couldn’t let him play around.  So, after I grabbed the money and made a run for the door — I hear Duke saying LOUDLY, “I want to go bowling.” (Me: “Not tonight, honey, I can’t let you.”) Him: “You never let me do anything.”

Get used to it, Buddy, I think your teen years are going to be hard on all of us.

Did anyone see it?  Good glad to know you all missed it.  It seems that if you don’t renew your domain name, your site goes dead, who knew?  Actually, I knew it was coming due, but where I bought the domain name from sends me no fewer 1BILLION e-mails regarding the subject starting about 3 months ago and I became immune to their annoyances.  Thus, I waited until the day I expired…opps.  But I’m back and no harm, no foul, right?  Good. (more…)

I don’t have the energy for a full on post, because yet again, I’ve been sick.  I’m finally going to do something about it — but seriously folks, I’ve been stuck in bed sick more in the past three months than I’ve been in the past 8 years.  I’m tired of being sick.

So, this is the little story of bedtime last night.

After we ate, bathed, and storied with the boy.  Duke looks up at me with eyes full of wonder and sparkle and says, “Mama, don’t say ‘butthead’ it’s a bad word.”

“Um, yes, sweetie, we shouldn’t ever call anyone a ‘butthead’.  But where did you hear that word?”

(Now, I’m no saint when it comes to language, but I’m pretty sure that ‘butthead’ isn’t a word he learned from me.)

(ignoring my question entirely)  “And no potty talk.”

“Ok, I promise, no ‘butthead’ or potty talk.  What can you say?”

(hugs me so hard he’s nearly choking me) “I can say, ‘I love you, Mama’”

Oh yes, yes you can.  I’m sure the teen years are coming for when I’m the ‘butthead’ — but until then, I’m loving the hugs of four and a half — the kisses however are a lot slimy.

(In other news, I introduced Prince to Uno last night.  He was skeptical at first, then a competitor — complete with his very own victory dance when he beat me.)

On our way to pick up bagels:

Duke: Mama, we are doing teamwork.

(Teamwork is something they are teaching them at school and I’m thrilled to see he brings it home with him.)

Me: Yes, Buddy, we are doing teamwork.

Duke: We’re a good team.

Me: The best.

Duke: Mama and Duke ROCK.

Me: Yes, we do.

(Then I cried with joy and wondering if I could eat him up because he would taste much better than a bagel.)

Duke: Mama, don’t be sad.

Me: Buddy, I’m not sad. I couldn’t be happier. Sometimes Mama cries when she’s happy and you saying that we ‘ROCK’ just made me happy.

<SNIFFLE>

Duke: Ok. Now, can we turn right, PLEASE??

Duke has discovered monsters. Oh sure, there was this brief experience, but I think that was more because of a commercial than a real understanding of the scariness that is monsters. Now, you need to know that Duke has no real fear of monsters, in that he doesn’t think they will take him away, eat him, or even steal his covers. He has much more of a sibling relationship with monsters (not that Prince and I have given birth to monsters, either — but you get my point). He doesn’t want monsters in his room, probably because he’d rather they not get to play with his toys while he sleeps, I think. (Every so often he decides he doesn’t want a cat or a dog in his room either. I think this is more about declaring his space than actual dislike.)

So, need less to say, monsters are fun to talk about and we talk about them a lot. Mostly it is fun and giggles, but every so often I notice that Duke is more than a little concerned. Normally, I take the chance to grab him up and whisper in his ear that I’m here to keep him safe and as long as mommy and daddy are here we will keep him safe. (I also told him that Mommy sprays for monsters and put special tape around the house to keep monsters away.) (more…)

Do you know what season it is?

As heard in my car yesterday:

Duke: Mama, please open sunroof.

Me: No, Buddy, it is too cold outside.

Duke: Why?

Me: That’s just winter, it gets all cold outside.

Duke: It’s not winter, It’s Falling.

Me: Falling?

Duke: Yes, look, the leaves are falling from the trees, it is Falling, not Winter.

Now you know.

There will be 1,000’s of posts today about candy crashes in the blogosphere.  Sorry to have to add one more to the mix — but this is SPECIAL — no really, stop looking at me like that.

Sidenote the first: I had a lunchtime event to go to, hence my Smart Ass costume (no, Beth no pocket protector involved, however in a stroke of genius, I added my son’s little bow tie and a yarny tail — happy?).  I won a prize!  Well, actually, I won an iPod shuffle (RED, thank you) and now the thoughts of what the heck to do with it occur.  We could give it to Duke, which seems like the right match of his iPod skills to machine, BUT the Queen Mum is joining us in the Mac world and I know she’d love an iPod, BUT the shuffle is really too small for her and while we have um, THREE iPod-hand-me-downs to choose from, I think my mother can have something better than another hand-me-down tech item or even a won shuffle, for that matter. (Holy run-on sentence, Batman!)

Sidenote the second: There are no Halloween photos of the boy this year.  I know, I know.  The problem is that this was the year he GOT it.  He was so excited to even think about getting the candy and wearing his costume that I could not hold him still for a photo.  We had to do everything NOW and there was no time for “Mama wants a photo.” (Alternatively, I suck as photo-documenting my son’s life — I prefer the former, k?)

Now for the story, finally… (more…)