Join Me in Snarkville

Week one of Summer Camp was AMAZING.  I want to put summer camp in my pocket and take it home with me and keep it with me always.

Duke loved playing with new friends, he loved getting away from his mother for a few hours a day, and he got to SWIM in a pool for him on Friday.  Seriously, I couldn’t have made camp any better if I’d soaked it in chocolate and put sprinkles on it.  All my worries about a late night camp decision is gone and I’m trying to decide if I’m going to extend his camp experience into August or try out other camp options (like Soccer Camp — who knows.)  However, there is one very sad bit from Camp - Week One. (more…)

Ok, so of the many reasons I was looking forward to the end of preschool for Duke was that I was hoping to separate him from the single worst, most horrible, icky thing at his school…. (more…)

Before I begin, I have to tell you that as a kid I loved from the deepest parts of my heart summer camp.  Yes, sleep away summer camp and day camp alike.  I loved it all.  I loved it with the swimming in the middle of the day, the odd smell of sunscreen and sweat, and I loved the camp games.  This is really good since I spent much of my growing up summers in various camps.  I’d go to church camp, girl scout camp, YMCA camp, you’ve got a camp and I was there.  While some might say this was because my parents worked, I have to say that I loved camp enough that I never minded it. (more…)

I started this morning off feeling really good about my abilities to balance at home work and mommyhood.  I fed both Duke and myself a decent breakfast, I cleaned up the dishes (even unloading the dishwasher from last night — which would make FlyLady happy), I even made a game of picking up the shoes and toys in the living room so I could finally vacuum up the fur.  We giggled and worked and it was good.  I did all of this before 8am this morning.

Then, I did the unthinkable.  I showered.  I dressed.  I asked my child to dress.  The train came off the tracks when I suggested he brush his teeth.  You see my perfect and darling child could not find his toothbrush.  I came in the bathroom to help only to find out that he knew EXACTLY where his toothbrush was, he just couldn’t get it.  Why?  Because he has shoved his toothbrush DOWN the sink drain!  Yes, he pulled the stopper out and then shoved (with some amount of force) the entire length of his child sized toothbrush into the drain until it hit something and wedged itself under the drain ring.  Then he had the nerve to be UPSET that he couldn’t get his toothbrush out. Imagine that?

Him: I can’t get this out.

Me: How did it get in there?

Him: It’s stuck.

Me: I get that, HOW.DID.YOUR.TOOTHBRUSH.GET.INTO.THE.DRAIN?

Him: It’s not coming out.

Me: Did *YOU* shove your toothbrush in the drain?

Him: Yes. Why is it not coming out?

Me: Because you wedged it in there.  Let me find pliers before I eat you.

(He tasted good, sort of like chicken — I added BBQ sauce for flavor you know)

He knew I was upset, so he begins to take LOUD deep breaths (like we’ve taught him to do to calm down) and nearly hyperventilates.  Did you know it is impossible to still be mad at your child when he is taking deep breaths and looking sad.

With effort, I got the toothbrush out of the drain.  With considerably more effort, I calmly explained the importance of the stopper and why he is NEVER.EVER. no, not even then, to remove the stopper from the sink and SHOVE anything down the drain.

Today was a day of travel for all of Snarkville. So, since I am beyond tired and about to scream if I don’t get 20 more minutes to get to the end of my audiobook — you get the notes (yes, the actual notes I took today to spark my blog post in the future).

1. When going to bed last night, I explained to Duke that we were getting up early to go to the airport and he needed to get dressed and not stall. So he tells me, “You have to turn the light on and say, ‘Good Morning, did you have a good sleep? We go to the airport now.’ Then I say, ‘Yes, I had a good sleep.’ and I get dressed.” Scripted yes, but worked like a charm. Thanks, Duke for planning that part of my day for me.
2. The streets are REALLY dark at night. (Profound much?)
3. How long does it take to print a bag tag and acknowledge my existance? Perhaps I’ve done this too much that I was asked by the line lady if I needed help because I was just standing there. Of course, I was standing there because I had already checked in and just wanted to hand them my bags filled with all the liquids I couldn’t carry on the plane.
4. Duke announced to first class on the plane that “I’m HERE.” Oh yes, that was fun.
5. My 4 year old son was better behaved than my “old enough to be my mother” fellow passenger on the other side of me. For the record, SIT STILL. You need not get everything out of your bag, hit me with it, elbow me fighting for the armrest (YOUR OTHER armrest), lean on me (in fact touching me in any way is out), and please don’t TOUCH my drink.
6. Why am I invisible when traveling with Duke. The flight crews don’t seem to notice him either — this is most noticeable when I need trash picked up, so I can grab something off the floor.
7. Do NOT stop my seasoned traveler son to tell him how to read his boarding pass to find his seat number. He KNOWS this and you stopping him was weird to him. (As was trying to tell him to sit back in his seat so he couldn’t look out the window.
8. My Bose headphones are a deadly weapon? WHAT? Yes, I was not allowed to put my headphone case in the pocket in front of me because ‘it is heavy and could hurt you if it came flying out.’ I also could not HOLD it, put it in my lap, or between me and Duke. However, I could keep on knitting with my pointy metal knitting needles. When was the last time you heard of anyone needing stitches from a random headphone case accident?
9. Walking down steep stairs with two bags and a Duke is HARD.
10. I don’t eat enough while traveling — got here and was HUNGRY. Ate an onion loaf — felt much better. Was it the food or the grease? Don’t answer, I don’t really care.
11. iPhone ticked me off for the first time ever — it interrupted my attempt to call Prince to keep beeping at me to accept texts from Prince. The problem was it wouldn’t let me hang up the phone until I’d accepted the text messages. That was SUPER annoying — Prince probably has a voicemail saying things like “Why won’t this thing hang up already….URGH.”

Don’t you wish you got to travel with me? I should warn you, I make you haul your own bag and don’t put up with poor in plane behavior.

I want desperately to tell you that day one as a stay/work-at-home mommy was awesome and amazing and the best thing ever.  I want to tell you that my fears have been calmed because I can totally do this and my house has never been cleaner, the child never better behaved, and I’ve never been happier.  Alas, I’d be lying — but in summary it was a good day. (more…)

I need to know who you would think is still standing (and napless) today?

1. A 35 year old who was up past his bedtime two nights straight.  The first of these was at a formal event and the second was to pick someone up at the airport at 11:10pm and he arrived home at 2am.  Factor into this that he also got a nap yesterday prior to the late night pick up of a few hours (presumably to pre-sleep).  He was up and out the door for work at 6:30am this morning.  He is bleary-eyed and a bit grumpy.  In addition, the person he picked up had the joys of a lost/delayed bag that will not be delivered until after 6pm (window is actually 6pm to 10pm) tonight — at which point he will be taking it from our home to the guy he picked up.
2. A 34 year old female.  She was up late for the formal event too — after which she was not able to sleep well and woke up hourly until the alarm went off at 6am.  In addition, she had spent the day prior to the formal thing cleaning the house.  She worked all day yesterday, went to knit night and left early.  Tired from the lack of sleep, she tried to go to sleep when the guy above left to the airport.  She thought she’d sleep.  But no, she napped for about an hour and then woke up to wait for him to return.  She was wide awake at 2am when he returned and slept fitfully until the alarm again.  (We don’t like that alarm anymore.)  She walked 2 miles and played at the playground.
3. A 4 year old boy.  He stayed up late with a sitter — who he LOVED.  He had run around like a banshee while the sitter was here then was up about an hour late.  He went to school and played hard all day the next day.  He was still awake at 9pm (which is 2 hours after bedtime) when the knitter came home.  He was up at 6:30am and playing.  He went on a mile tricycle ride to the park and played for an hour and rode a mile back.  (more…)

When I was young, I dreamed of singing on the Broadway stage.  Yes, you read that right.  I have a deep, burning desire to perform (always have) and I thought the ultimate performance feat would be to sing on Broadway.  There’s a few problems with my deepest desire:

1. I can not sing.  Nope, not even a little bit.
2. I dislike starving, waiting tables, being poor, or anything else that goes with paying your dues to make it in show business.
3. I can not carry a tune in a bucket.

So my amazing Broadway career was over before it could even begin.  But you see, despite the fact that my voice will never ring out from a stage anywhere (and frankly, you are all better for it), I do like to sing. (more…)

I know this will come as NO shock to you, but Duke was on a sugar high yesterday.  A sugar high that found him unable to stop spinning for HOURS.

So, in the morning, I declared, “Everyone up and dressed we are going outside to enjoy this beautiful day.”  Prince determined this meant “Let’s pull weeds in the backyard.”  Duke thought this meant, “Oh good, I get to wear my boots and ride my bike.”  I had thought it meant, “Let’s go to the park so Duke can run his butt off and I can sit on the bench and do nothing.”  Alas, we communicate SO well. (more…)

So, Daylight Savings Time has hit one member in this house harder than the rest of us — Duke.  Poor Duke, is sleeping LATE every morning.  He’s not been his cheerful self in days and getting him moving has, in a word, sucked.

Since I have also been less than perky in the mornings this week (hello late nights, no sleep — AGAIN, and Daylight Savings Time) Monday and Tuesday were more about pouring a boneless child into clothing than a good morning.  But today, I woke up and thought, “I want to go back to sleep”  — no wait, that doesn’t help us.  I thought I’d try something different…something like FUN… (more…)