Join Me in Snarkville

Next up in the joys that is traveling with the Queen is the getting from the airport to the hotel. I took a shuttle. It was cheaper than a taxi and with so much more excitement for the money.

You see, I feared for my life. I wanted to beg the driver to just pull over ALREADY and let me out — problem was we weren’t out of the airport yet and the walk would have been far. Seriously, this was THAT scary. Here’s the short list:

• Failed to obey most traffic laws. These included lanes, stop signs, u-turns, and my personal favorite LOOKING before MERGING.
• Failed to close the back doors of the shuttle after letting couple #1 out and getting ON.THE.ROAD. This was only made worse by the stop IN the road to close the doors.
• Getting lost, not once, BUT TWICE, on way to my hotel. We spent 20+ extras minutes finding the hotel — this would have caused the need for those fun U-turns.
• Did I mention that I get car sick? Um, when you floor the gas and slam on the brake, I will very nearly puke. I was four shades of white when I arrived and was still shaking when I got on the phone to register my complaint.
• Finally, he was kind enough to play some computer geek talk show at FULL volume and despite my requests (yes, plural) to turn it down, he kept turning it up.

As my parents and I love to quote the old Jack Lemon movie, the Outoftowners, “It will all be in the letter”

(Yes, I’ve requested a full refund, the phone rep was horrified at my experience.)

However, I am safe (and wiser) and I’m setting sail. Thus all is good now.

Dear Air Carriers of the Nation:

I still think air travel is an amazing value. Despite the less and less you give us and the more and more we pay. I recently flew on 4 flights, paid about $200 for the priveledge — that’s works out to be $50 a leg. For my $50, I wanted you, my airline friends to know the value I got.

• Exactly, 4 Bisoff Cookies. These are by far my favorites and I got 4 whole cookies. (no, not 4 whole packages)
• I got 4 drinks, two cranberry and club sodas, one hot tea, and one water.
• I got the joy of having my trash sit in front of me waiting for someone to notice me as they stolled by. I think I averaged one trash pick-up per flight — I happen to like the added challenge of having my trash on the tray (or balance in my lap) and also attempt to get up to potty.
• I had 4 hours of being truly STUCK in my window seat, because you miss booked someone who cannot walk in the aisle (not a bulkhead) and left me to wonder how I was ever going to get off this plane. (No, I was not happy about the clastraphobia I experienced.
• I had 4 different people with their heads competely and totally in my lap. No, this was not as thrilling as it sounds, in fact it was gross, icky, and horrible when I had to reach for something from the floor.
• I got to enjoy the same movie on every single flight I was on. While I happened to enjoy The Holiday, I’m tired of it — 4 times will do that to even Kate Winslet herself.
• I got to be late and early at the same time.
• I got to enjoy the fact that despite the properly timed connections I’d planned, I was unable to stop to get food at any airport and thus went foodless on all travel days. In this I really appreciate your consistancy.
• I got to where I was going safely and with decent humor from your staff. This I truly, all snark aside, appreciate. But what I mostly appreciated is that today, you held even first class back and allowed two Marines to get off the plane first because (and I quote the captain), “They are home on leave and if we can let them have one more minute with their family, we should. Thank you for your service.” There was a standing (and stooping) ovation for them as they left the plane. I think one of them REALLY wished his camo was plane colored though.

Thank you and keep up the good work at giving me good value for my dollar.

The Queen

When writing yesterday’s post about the tight connections, I thought about what the ideal situation would be.  I even dared to speak it outloud. 

“I want my first flight to be a little early and my second flight to be late.”

Ah, you know what they say about being careful what you wish for? (more…)

The good news is that after Wednesday, this trip did get better.  Yes, I realize that the thought “it couldn’t get worse” would be everyone’s first thought, but I have to say, things are looking up.

Yesterday morning, Prince headed off to track to watch cars bump into each other — seriously, I thought the whole point was to not crash the cars, but it seems that some of the random people on the track didn’t get the memo.

I however, took Duke to a playground where they had the coolest slide EVER.  It was a slide made up of those rolling things from the conveyor belts.  I got SERIOUS speed going down the slide — and it was Duke’s favorite.  I made it to a few outlet shops and picked up some much needed jeans for the boy — in a proper size so that he no longer looks like he’s waiting for high tide.  (I will say this, I bought the jeans knowing the size smaller would be too short, but these just looked way too long.  I put them on him this morning and wouldn’t you know, they fit PERFECTLY.  Who said he was allowed to grow like this??)

Then we went to see the Lions at MGM Grand.  Duke rode the escalator.  Back to the hotel to pick-up a pooped Prince and off to a party.  The MINIs took over the strip at 9pm and then I dropped my boys off and headed off to to party for a bit.

Now, I’m old and getting older.  We sat down for a few drinks attempting to get away from the loudest, most horrible cover band ever (in a pseudo Irish pub, no less) and I have my one pint.  I sat watching guys getting drunker and drunker and I have to admit nothing was really funnier.

Oddest line of the night: “I’ll walk you to your car.”  “you don’t have to, I’m ok.” “Oh, no problem, I have to pee.” HUH?

Funniest line by a guy from Vegas: “I’ve learned the art of holding onto my liquids — after all, we have negative humidity here.”

Money lost in a casino: ZERO.  I drank my beer; trash talked with the boys; and drove my happy butt home.

Tonight is my night to bring Duke home to bed after dinner and send Prince off to party with the boys tonight and I shall get some much needed quiet time (read: sleep).  But, yes, things are looking better.  We have a trailer for the drive home and I fully expect it not to take us 14+ hours to go 9 hours — but I could be delusional.

…I don’t think I could stand anymore of this kind of fun.

Ok, today, Prince, Duke and I headed off to Vegas for a long weekend full of fun and car folks.  As I type, it is 12:0something AM on Thursday morning.  My Wednesday began at 6am and it just hasn’t stopped yet.  In the immortal words, this has been a no-good, rotten day.  And while Prince could not will himself to sleep fast enough, I’m still attempting to unwind and de-clentch from the events of the day — thus you get my (right, true, and proper) version first. (more…)

I’ve been too excited for the past 48 hours to talk, much less blog about what is going on in Snarkville.  Heck, it has been nearly impossible for me to focus on anything since I found out. (Self-centered much?  Who me?)

Ok, so, let’s begin with the beginning.  Nope, can’t — too excited.  I’m GOING TO PARIS!!!

Not only that, I’m going via a transatlantic cruise on the Queen Mary 2!  AND, I’m taking Eurostar (you know the train through the Chunnel) from London to Paris! AND I have a hotel in Paris (good to not be homeless)! AND I’m flying FIRST class back to the states!!

Ah, that feel good just to lay it all out there.  Boy, do I feel better, now.  Only I don’t, why?  Because of all the baking…huh, you say. (more…)

Sidenote: Let me begin by sending a shout out to Deb, because when I sat down to blog this morning I was planning on doing something else entirely but wouldn’t have been nearly as fun.

For reasons that completely escape me, I forget stuff — all the time.  There was a point in my life I remembered everything, but I fear today my brain has been filled with useless knowledge (like the longest coast in the US is in Alaska, that strawberries have their seeds on the outside, and Antartica is a dessert with less rainfall than than the Gobe dessert) or I’m suffering from ‘Mommy Brain’ or most recently that I’ve completely embrassed my new blonde do.  But seriously folks I forget stuff all the time — like what was I talking about? (more…)

I so want to declare that I’ve returned to normal.  However, I fear in the world of Snarkville, normal is truly a relative term.

You see, I was officially gone for two weeks.  Two long weeks.  Two weeks full of rest and mental breaks that I really needed.  Two horrible weeks lacking the hugs, kisses and giggles I have come to require as part of my daily life.  And two weeks lacking the normal (yes, I see the irony in this) amount of TV that makes the residents of Snarkville feel connected to the outside world. (more…)

One might wonder where the Queen gets off to on occasions. Well, today, I am sitting in an internet cafe in the middle of deck seven on the Caribbean Princess. Currently the ship is docked in St. Maarten (the Dutch side of the island, for those who wish to be picky).

So, what might you ask is the queen doing on a computer and not something amazing on the island? Well, I’ll tell you — it is HOT. I mean insanity hot. Like I felt something run down my neck and I wiped it away and realized it was grey matter free flowing out of my ears hot. So, I think I’m just as happy sitting here in air conditioning with people waiting on me.

So, since it’s been a week, here’s my most recent list of things I’ve learned since my vacation began:

1. Row 22 can board when “Rows 20 and higher” are called in the airport. No, my little internets, this was not ME that was confused, it was the women next to me who actually asked, “Do you think we can board, we are in row 22.”
2. It is quite possible that on this cruise there is really only ONE shop with a lot of doors, because no matter where you are you see the exact same stuff.
3. I am not a beach person. No, this is not news to anyone, but it has become even more apparent when I step into the dining room each evening and find myself to be the one who glows in the dark.
4. I don’t know if you can teach good taste, but I do know for sure that it isn’t contagious.
5. When standing in downtown St. Thomas and looking across the water you’ll see a Skyway to a lookout point. Get a cab — it is a longer walk than it looks.
6. There are 5 large cruise ships in port in St. Martaan right now, but the 6th one is of most interest to me. Easy Cruise is here.
7. There are 42 letters in the Hungarian language and many more “wowals” than in English.  However, every written letter is pronounced.  No, I am no closer to speaking another language (not the least of which is Hungarian).
8. When at sea for a few days, if you tell people there is a 75% off sale, the line will be EVERYWHERE.  However, the biggest frenzy will be around the $10 accessories tables — the same $10 accessories you could have bought in the boutique all week — for $10!!! Seriously, it was a zoo.

Update:

I’m home now — well, back on land.  Now I can get some rest — because we all know that vacations are not about resting.

You’ve seen the couple at the posh resort and you wonder “Where are they from?” “What do they do?” You may sit with/near them at dinner and have a brief, top-level glimpse into their life. But what would happen if you already knew details about them? What would happen if you didn’t have to begin at the beginning? (more…)